Goals

I recently joined the soccer team. While at first I was intimidated by both the amount of running and the fact that I haven’t played soccer in 7 years, those nerves are now gone. They have been replaced by a deep sense of regret.

For most of the high school, I didn’t have the chance to play a “real” sport. My first high school didn’t offer league sports, just smaller less official sports teams. Thought I played everything, it wasn’t real. I didn’t feel the camaraderie of a team. Then I switched schools, excited about the possibility of playing sports.

Once the sports seasons started, I picked golf because it was my best sport. I have done golf for the last 3 sports seasons since I began and have enjoyed it. I got food at the golf course, didn’t have to run, and enjoyed playing with my closest friends at my new school. This was awesome, but something I regret.

Just a week into soccer and I am already regretting my decision/inability to not play a real team sport during high school.

Practicing with friends, running, making saves. I remember all of these things from youth sports and middle school, and I miss the feelings associated with them. I miss being part of a team and more than anything, I am scared that this is my last chance to be part of a team.

I am going to make the best of this opportunity and I’m gonna push to get the starting goalie position. I want this experience to be memorable, maybe there will be an in conclusion blog in a few months.

PC: Sports Illustrated

Application Deadline Is Closer Than It Appears

This month is the season for seniors to apply to college if they want to apply for Early Action (EA) or Early Decision (ED). In fact, I was planning to apply to Early action, but everything wasn’t going the way I want to be. My plan was to finish all the essays for every college one day before the deadline. The deadline is closer than it appears. I always thought I have time, so I do a little every day and sometimes I don’t even do it. Without a doubt, I couldn’t finish it and doesn’t have enough time to send it to my counselor and correct it. Two days left before the EA deadline! I just can’t believe how fast the deadline has shown up. I spent two nights burning the midnight oil, trying to finish it all. Of course, I still can’t finish the application, and I have to give up on EA for this time.

Yes, I took my lesson, I should be taking this seriously. Once it passes the deadline, there is no way back to regret it. I started to feel the “Real” stress from college applications. “College deadlines are no joke.” My college counselor always tells me that, and now I understand that it’s really not a joke.

Photo Credit: College Application Deadline

Reflection

It’s a bad feeling. No, it’s an awful feeling. Yet I find myself facing it time and again. I’m currently sitting in the car feeling almost as shitty as how I performed today in practice. I could have gone harder… I should have gone harder. How can I strive to be the best if I’m not even giving my all?

The breakdown: the set was hard, I knew it would be a challenge, so I gave up. Looking back, the emotional pain now is far worse than the physical pain I would have experienced if I just kept trying. For me, muscle fatigue, not being able to breathe, the lactic acid burning in my throat, and the pain of pushing yourself to the limit is nothing compared to the pain I go through knowing I could have done better, knowing that I’m the one holding me back.  Because I didn’t want to suffer through eighty laps on a challenging interval, I am currently suffering through the disappointment and regret of knowing I am hindering my growth.

Photo Credit: pinterest.com

You know that feeling when the teacher pulls out a test on the reading you were assigned last night but you didn’t do it, just because you didn’t want to. Not a great feeling. This got me wondering, if we know the effect of our actions, how come we still proceed in doing the easiest thing in the moment. Why not put in the ten minuets to read a chapter and feel confident when the teacher pulls out the test? Why not give your all in a work out, suffer through the pain and embrace it, to experience the rush of endorphins after and the confidence knowing you did your best?

After reflecting on my errors and embracing the sucky emotions I am feeling right now, I have a goal. Every time I feel like skipping a fifty, reading spark notes instead of the book, going easy instead of all out, not doing what I should just because I don’t want to, I am going to think. Think of how I will feel in the future, and ask: Is the emotional conflict that will take place in the future worth just doing whats right?

Taking things for granted

People take others for granted much too often in their lives.

I have been a culprit of it one too many times. And it is a hard thing to come to terms with.

I wish people would realize that there is no harm in telling someone you care each and every day, but there is more harm than imaginable in doing the exact opposite. There isn’t a time you will regret letting someone know that you appreciate them – no matter who they are to you – but there will always be a time you will regret holding your tongue when all you wanted was to let them know you cared.

It was your 21st birthday on Monday. And, even though I was not as close with you as some people were, I wish I could have wished you happy birthday, seen your smile, and spent a little time with you. I cared about you. You were important to me. And I will regret not telling you that for the rest of my life because I will never have the chance to tell you that again.

Happy birthday, Mikey. I know that if you were here, you would take absolutely no person and nothing else for granted; you weren’t the kind to do that. And if I am to take just one thing from knowing you, I will take that.

I hope everything is going well in paradise. I think of you more than you know.