Tag: relationships

Growing Pains

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Photo Credit to: theodysseyonline.com

Monogamy as a concept is a strange thing, but little girls are taught from early childhood to believe that it is the ultimate goals.

More than half of my friends parents are divorced, often times with one parent leaving the other behind completely abandoned.

For me, I don’t even remember my parents kissing because I was so young when they divorced. Yet, pretty much every story I was read at night ended with a boy and a girl falling in love and living happily ever after.

Now, I sit here in my late teenage years watching beautiful relationships turn toxic in the blink of an eye.

What was once the most amazing time of your life quickly becomes a distant and wildly painful memory.

I just broke up with the first person that I’ve ever loved and because of that I’m feeling certain emotions that I’ve never felt before.

I’m not sure how to dispose of these feelings for someone who I’m still kind of in love with, even though they hurt me so deeply and so consistently.

How do you know your last kiss will be your last kiss?

How do you know when he says “I love you” that it will be the last time you ever hear those words grace his lips.

There is no rule book on this stuff – no matter how much I wish there was.

My mom always said “love shouldn’t hurt”, and that is a major factor into why certain relationships of mine have ceased to exist.

But mom, you’re wrong.

Love hurts.

It hurts when you’re so full of passion that your heart could practically explode.

It hurts when you get in your first fight.

And love really hurts right about now.

 

 

Talking to you

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I want to talk to you at three in the morning, when I’m laying in bed, with waves of emotion rushing over me. I want to talk to you when I wake up from a bad dream – drowning in my thoughts, suffocated by my imagination.

When I can barely talk, overrun by emotion – I want you to be there, welcoming my grievances. Listening to my rants, my aches and pains, and my worries.

When all I see is blackness, and all I feel is pressure, I want to talk to you. My support – a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to – you are who I turn to.

I have a lot of thoughts. Good and bad, light and heavy, they consume me. And when I wake up in the middle of the night and every inch of me is devoured by these emotions, it is you who I want beside me.

Photo Credit: thumbs.dreamstime.com

Piano Keys

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The soft pangs of the notes filled the air, swirling up from the grand piano all the way around the curving stairs and straight to the top of the high ceiling of the hallway. The girl sitting on the black leather bench had wispy blonde hair, her feet dangling far above the pedals.

She shared the small seat with her mother, a woman appearing to be in her forties. She had short dark brown hair, and her makeup was applied deliberately, giving her face a slight orange tint. As she pointed to certain keys and moved her child’s small wrists up higher, her brow creased and defined the onset wrinkles there.

They were an offsetting pair – the small girl’s fragility was evident next to the woman’s full frame. It was almost as though their appearance conveyed the unsung words of their relationship; the dominance of the woman over the powerless child. And as the small blonde girl clinked away at the keys, her small fingers were barely able to reach the far black rectangles, and so the woman pulled her hands further apart, stretching the little pads of her pointer fingers further than they could go, mounting a tremendous tension of tingling sparks in the girl’s tiny fingernails, ready and itching to explode.

Coming to an End.

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Bye

Whether it’s trying to escape an awkward conversation, a rambling relative or trying to leave an event, saying goodbye is always hard. The hardest goodbyes are separations, the ones that greet the end. The friends you know you will never see again, the faces you will miss and the smiles you will never share again.

As I am approaching graduation, I can’t help but to feel sad. I have said many goodbyes, through my life, and they never get any easier. In fact they probably get harder. This is because the promises with friends you make are often broken: visits never happen, fate interferes and commonalities change.

It’s just one of those things with friendships, people will always grow apart. Being from such a close-knit graduating class I hope that our relationships will remain. Still, things coming to an end are always sad.

New Starts.

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Paths

It’s time for new starts, new beginnings, and new adventures. Recently I have found myself saying quite frequently “if you fear something it must be good” and this has become the motto for my life at its current state.

With so much change coming into my life I can’t help but to feel nervous and in many ways sad. Letting go of relationships, family and old lifetimes will be tough as I have previously experienced, but change is always good.

I am about to forge a new path for myself, expanding to new horizons and becoming the person I am destined to be. I have no restraints to hold me back except myself and realistically that’s the easiest battle.

It’s time to take small steps towards great new starts.