homeless

i don’t get how everything i’ve built could be so fragile. just when you think your foundation’s set, an earthquake comes and shakes it. next a huge rainstorm. then a forest fire. or a tsunami. each disaster shakes the very thing you thought was solid. now my house is starting to crumble on contact. the walls a little less sturdy. the ground with a few cracks. but that’s why they call them natural disasters, because they have to happen. except they shouldn’t have to. you were a fire that didn’t naturally arise. you sparked something in me. i thought you were the soft ember in the fire-place, warming the whole house in a crisp, cold night. but you crept and crawled out, until the polished hardwood floor became singed beyond belief.

Photo Credit: chriscrespo.com

you burned everything. engulfed the second floor, filled with broken-down cribs and pictures lining the walls.  you exploded in the kitchen, where everything was black and it wasn’t bad cooking. you burnt the living room, even all the memories made there, the many late nights, turned to dust. you left the backyard, full of brand-new spring blooms, dead. except it wasn’t all you. my house wasn’t fireproof. my foundation wasn’t concrete, it was loose pebbles. my walls were made of rotting wood. you barely made a scratch on my already damaged surface. so, while you sleep in your warm sheets in your warm bed, I’ll be shivering under my army blanket in a foreign homeless shelter, because you destroyed my only home.

End of the Year

The end of the year is a strangely lonely time.

You know that people will be leaving, projects are due, and so is all the school work from the past few months that you’ve hidden under your bed in denial. So I find myself strangely lonely, isolated even.

But I’m ready for summer, and my introvert battery needs a recharge. You’d think being “isolated” now would help, but it’s different.

Right now I’m isolated by work and change, in summer – recharge mode – I am isolated by choice and enjoyment of being alone. It’s different.

Photo Credit: npengage

Given the choice, I would skip the entire last two months of school, jump straight into summer and then into the new school year. But alas there are the last two months.

I don’t really like change, and maybe that’s why I isolate myself – at least I think it’s a self driven isolation. I hope it is, because the alternative option is that no one likes me. But that’s beside the point. I don’t like change because it takes me a long time to warm up to anything, and change is like a bucket of ice water on what tolerance and comfort I build up.

I’m not saying change is bad, I’m just saying I don’t like it. On top of that, I hate goodbyes. They’re often mushy and huggy and declarative, definite, final.

The end of the year approaches, and I feel kinda lonely and things are changing, fast.

The Manchester Attack

Photo Credit: NPR

On Monday the 22nd, a bomb went off immediately after the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, England. 22 people were killed, and many more injured. Many have speculated this attack was targeted toward women and young girls, as many of Ariana’s fans are female and young. ISIS has since taken responsibility for the attack, and the threat level in the UK has been deemed “critical”.

Since the devastating attack, many have responded to the attack, and while many responded with grief over the lives lost, others used the attack to support their twisted ideas. Daily Mail blamed Ariana for THE DEATH OF 22 PEOPLE because of her CLOTHING.

Image Credit: bishopikediblog

Now, we all know the Daily Mail is a sexist piece of sh*t newspaper that doesn’t possess an ounce of writing talent or substance, but COME ON! Blaming a woman for the death of children and adults because of her clothing? That’s disgusting. The reason 22 people died was because of a terrorist, not Ariana.

Many are also using this attack to fuel the notion that all Muslims are terrorists. An article from the Huffington Post states, “94% of terrorist attacks carried out in the United States from 1980 to 2005 have been by non-Muslims.”

So, let’s be a little smarter, white America.

It’s here! Graduation!


(Photo Credit: http://www.dec.org)

It’s here!… Wait… What? Our class is graduating from high school? That’s not possible, I thought the year just started?

Yes guys, graduation is finally here and this is the last blog I am going to write for the Ojai Valley School Journalism team. For those of you who read my blog one month ago which talked about how graduation is right around the corner, well here we are, just a couple of days away from a huge turning point in our lives.

All those grueling, yet memorable years and the lessons we have learned from our peers and faculty have been, and will forever be, engrained into our hearts. I still remember three months ago, talking to one of my friends about whether or not I’d be able to remember what we had talked about that night. Believe me, I do remember what we talked about, and that moment also taught me that time passes like sand slipping through your hands.

Okay, that’s enough blabbering from me… But I want to wish everybody good luck! It’s been a joy writing blogs for the OVS Journalism team. Here we go!!! It is graduation!!!

Two-Week Notice

Since there are only about two weeks left of school (to be exact, as of Friday the 19th, there are 336 hours left), I’m feeling a lot of emotions: stress for finals, excitement for summer, and envy of the seniors, for they don’t have to come back in September. Luckily, everyone is now handing in their “two-week notice” for summer. Told in gifs, these are the emotions that will occur during my two-week notice, and let’s hope I was right for not putting in a crying gif.

My current mood, preparing for finals:

GIF Credit: Giphy

While I’m taking a final:

GIF Credit: Imgur

When I know the answer to one of the questions:

GIF Credit: Giphy

When people ask how the test went and want to talk about the answers:

GIF Credit: Giphy

Once finals are over:

GIF Credit: Giphy

The last day of school:

GIF Credit: Good Reads

Now go forth! And good luck to everyone approaching finals week.

How Calvin and Hobbes Grows With Me

When I was in elementary school I first encountered Calvin and Hobbes. Since then it has resurfaced in various parts of my life surprisingly more and more topically.

Bill Watterson’s perennial comic often addresses the problems and anxieties of growing up, the pain of reality, and everything in between.

Watterson manages to cleverly address issues that still persist today through the eyes of the constantly adventurous and surprisingly observant six-year-old boy.

To this day, I find myself enjoying the comics in spare moments, pulling out weather-beaten copies with broken binding hoping to find a laugh or something to prove that I’m not just panicking, that growing up is indeed hard.

Watterson manages to perfectly characterize the angsty feelings of growing up and having to face oncoming reality, and sometimes it just makes me laugh and feel happy despite the panic I feel about having to continue to grow into adulthood.

But my personal favorite remains the very last panel Watterson ever drew for Calvin and Hobbes:

left without a choice

we let people change us. from the moment we are born, our lives have a certain path dictated by others, whether you’re premature and in need of immediate surgery or cozily wrapped in a pink or blue blanket. after you go home from the cold hospital, you were placed in a crib and kissed on the head. the people

Photo Credit: wird.com.ua

who brought you home soon tell you what to wear and how to act. this is only reinforced when your teacher tells you to raise your hand and to ask politely to use the restroom. after you outgrow the brightly colored chairs at kindergarten table to a desk at a high school, you start letting your peers decide certain parts of you. they decide where you sit at lunch and who your biology partner is.

and after that you start letting one person decide. this person is commonly known as a spouse, partner, or significant other. you share deep night conversations filled with painful memories or happy ones. what they do with this information is up to them, and you’re allowing them to decide that for themselves. so, what if they pull the trigger, let go of your darkness over dinner cocktails or lunch sandwiches. so what if your leg got bruised when i pushed you around, sweetie? don’t worry, i’m sure a haircut will cover up that broken jaw or that black eye. when you go home, make sure to wear a little more makeup there so your mom won’t notice. you listen to them, curl your hair that way or stop hanging out with that friend.

no wonder 25% of women and one in seven men will be victims of domestic abuse. if you’re shocked, don’t be. we train people from birth how to change for others, but some don’t learn to change for themselves.

18 Days Until Graduation!

I am very ready to graduate high school. I have already packed three boxes full of stuff ready to ship to college. The thing I am most excited for in college is gaining independence. At my boarding school, all my actions are controlled since the school is responsible for everything I do. 

Last weekend, I had a plan to go visit one of my friends who is in college. I was planning to go with my classmate who is going to the same college as my friend next year. Since my classmate and my friend there don’t know each other very well, I wanted to be the bridge to help them get to know each other better.

Photo Credit: s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com

On the Friday we were supposed to leave, we got a notice that we weren’t allowed to go. I was shocked. I had been able to get through my busy week by thinking about the weekend, and I had really been looking forward to it. All our transportation and other arrangements that my friend had set up counted for nothing. I felt so sorry for my friends, and I was so disappointed.

The reason our plan wasn’t approved is because we are not allowed to sleep overnight on a college campus. We were told that “a college campus is a dangerous place to be.”  I understand the school’s responsibility and that they sometimes need to be overprotective, but I didn’t expect our trip to be canceled.

I really need my independence. I am over 18 and can make my own choices regarding where I want to go and what I want to do. This is one of the reasons why I am very ready to graduate.

romeo lost

poets only write about love and love lost,

but what about the time afterward?

what about the times when i see you my heart breaks,

not because i miss you,

but i miss the feeling of you.

the feeling of you on my neck,

the feeling of you in my arms,

the feeling of you on the other end of the line.

you weren’t a classic romeo.

you were one with trails of cigarette smoke and a bright red motorcycle,

instead of shiny, chain-link armor and a glistening white horse.

Photo Credit: buzzfeed.com

your eyes hold the past.

the past hour-long laughing fits,

the past midnight ice cream runs,

the past nights we slept under the stars.

i wish i could kiss you one more time,

not because i like you,

but because i liked the void you filled.

what about when i see her for the first time, this new me.

Photo Credit: buzzfeed.com

she’s beautiful, blonde, bubbly.

everything that i wasn’t, she is.

she’s willing to go all in. i guess i wasn’t.

i guess i couldn’t stand up when you walked away.

i guess i couldn’t hold you the right way,

because now i’m holding empty space.

my bed is empty to my left because i can’t bear to roll over in case you’ll come back.

because sometimes i open old, dusty copy of shakespeare’s sonnets,

and imagine you in every one.

i wish he wrote about how to pick up the pieces when you’re broken,

because i keep cutting myself on broken glass.

A Rant: Shadowhunters

Image Credit: Freeform

I have read the Mortal Instruments series multiple times (no shame), and as of last year, they made it into a TV show on Freeform. Dom Sherwood (Sarah Hyland, AKA Haley Dunphy’s, boyfriend) and Katherine McNamara star in it, playing Jace and Clary. This is not the first time Hollywood has tried to bring the Mortal Instruments to T.V. In 2013, the City of Bones movie was released, and it kind of flopped, but it was way better than the T.V. series.

Time for the rant. I’ve only watched the first three or four episodes of the first season and that was months ago, but as I have been seeing the commercial for season two  all day, everyday, my rant-y feelings have resurfaced. 1. CASSANDRA CLARE (the author) SPECIFICALLY STATES THAT THE SHADOWHUNTER WORLD DOES NOT MESS WITH MODERN TECHNOLOGY UNLESS THEY HAVE TO. THE T.V. SERIES DOES NOT FOLLOW THIS AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD I DON’T CARE HOW DORKY I SOUND. THEY HAVE TWITTER AND TOUCHSCREEN WALLS IN THE INSTITUTE. WHAT??????? This really is the main thing that annoys me, and also they go off book and the acting is sub-par. The tech thing is what really gets me though. That’s all for the rant today.