the terrible simply horrible nudge

Have you encountered the terrible nudge?

Expectantly nudging her muzzle

Into the kerfuffle

She expects me to pet her or feed her

Or give her some attention

But literally I just did all of those things

Like more than one time over

And i’m sitting in my rotating chair 

Criss cross like a precarious preschooler

With my noise cancelation 

my reading annotation

And suddenly I notice a wet nose

I look down, big brown eyes, a wet nose

Above my hip 

The cradle of ticklishness

A wet nose

I say “go on”

And point

The interlingual interspecies signal for go on

And she lies down

Maintaining eye contact

That’s weird 

Don’t do that

I look back at the book I’m reading

Nudging the nudge out of my thinking

And then my chair is spinning

The terrible nudge, simply by sheer force of will,

Spins my chair

Now I want to take this opportunity

Just to clarify

I know sometimes things are left a little ambiguous

and I think everyone deserves to understand

So I was literally sitting alone in my room with my dog

I sat in an office chair, criss cross

And this dog nudges me with her nose

Like with her nose

So much that my chair begins to spin

I don’t know about you

But for me

Wow

That’s a breaking point you know

Like oops it looks like it’s an outdoor dog’s life for you

Boom

Fleas

The dog house

The chain

Don’t go nudging

Bitch

So then I take the terrible horrible nudge’s collar off

And scratch where she normally can’t reach

And she promptly lies down and goes for a nap on my floor

Allowing for like half an hour of peace before she takes up the nudge once again

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