my real fears

scary movies don’t scare me

for me it’s the psychological mine field that our minds lay out for us

the empty houses that feel a little too empty

emptiness that slowly sets in as you try to navigate your new found awareness for sound, or lack of

the wood creaking wrong under your bare feet

or the toilet flushing, water swirling and filling the bathroom with normal sounds, then suddenly the water sitting still, soundless

back to navigating the defining silence

rushing

but not trying to scare yourself more

to turn on as many lights as possible

but you still feel the darkness lurking behind the walls

in the walls

under the floors

or in your head

sometimes you get a tingling in you spine as you pass by the unlit room

urging you to turn and peer into the darkness,

but you know if you do you have hit the mine

and it will explode

but its not only empty houses that trigger the fear

walking home

walking alone

walking as a woman, alone

gripping your purse as adrenaline grips your body

being followed, but not really

feeling followed, but realizing they were just going on their way to wherever they had to be

felling helpless

in ways you know you shouldn’t

a friend making you uncomfortable

do they know what their doing

or is it in my head

do I say something or is this normal

these things scare me

the mine field makes me aware

but awareness makes me scared

makes me terrified

Image found in Pinterest

Ready, Set, Swim

Although I only started swimming in sixth grade, it has been my passion and hobby ever since. I looked forward to the daily practices and the long conditioning sessions. It was strenuous, but fulfilling.

The main reason that I joined swim was because I did not want to do any team sports, but I had to join at least one team sport per year. Swim came easy to me, especially the flip turns because of my previous gymnastics training. During sixth grade my strokes were breaststroke, back, and free. I was so happy when I got first place during my meets, and getting these results boosted my liking for the sport.

Photo credit: Olympics

I continued swim throughout my middle school years; going to meets, practices, and gym sessions. Middle school sports are really different than high school sports though, and so when high school came along I was scared for swim.

I did not know if I was going to make the team or even progress with my times. My coach did not release the team roster until our first meet… I got on Varsity! Holy Sh*t, I was so proud of myself. During the few meets we had due to Covid, I competed in back, free, and IMs. I was also the backstroke leg for the team medley.

Swim started out just being a scapegoat for me ot having to do a high intensive sport to a passion that I cannot live without.