Ending a chapter

Five more weeks. Only five more weeks and one of the biggest chapters of my life will come to an end. I came to America 3 years ago, planning on only staying for half a year. And now here I am, three years later. These have been the best three years of my life. I will miss this place more than I can explain. All the memories and people. It is hard leaving it behind. But I know that I will always be connected to this place and to the people. I know I will return, and I have made friendships for life here. 

Even though I am very sad to leave, I am also excited to see what the future will hold. I have so many plans and trips coming up that I can hardly wait for. I am taking a gap year in which I will be in a different country every month doing my wildlife photography. I am going on a 1-month backpacking trip in Montana and I have so many more plans, and then college. I couldn’t be happier with my college decision. I will be attending Montana State University. The location is absolutely beautiful, they have amazing programs, and their outdoor program is everything I was looking for in a college. The Yellowstone ecosystem is just 30 minutes away from campus and there are awesome ski resorts nearby.

I am incredibly sad to leave Highschool but I will never forget the people and memories I have made here. Thank you for the best three years of my life.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montana_State_University

Kiss of life

The fiery kiss of life

has been kissed, blessed, given to the earth since the beginning of time

every seed was kissed to grow, every drop kissed into the mighty river, every muscle kissed into movement

but humans

although kissed into the same existence come with a new fire

lit deep in their hearts that pours out their eyes into the world

is the fire of distraction

the fire of greed

their fire burns slow and hot

flames devour the creations so humbly kissed into this world

green Amazonian cities of sky-scraping trees are at war with blackened cities of humans

life is in a panic

as the humans see nothing in this world as anything more than a means for their own personal gain

a once tender and loving kiss, that once had no obligations to kiss anything into existence because life was thriving perfectly on its own,

has turned into a panic of passionate lips trying to save what has been damaged

life is hopelessly trying to combat human decimation

kiss their shackled creatures into freedom, their cut and fallen cities into existence once more, kiss their oceans clean and air fresh


Pollution and over using natural resources will be our downfall. The kiss of life will keep creatures walking their earth, but will we completely destroy it before it is reborn.

Photo credit: Pinterest

capstone pt. 14

______

Then on friday

as the sun set I tore down highway 1

past cambria

by hearst castle

frantically searching for a place to get in the water

and even as the sun dipped under the saddles I sped through

I could feel I could find it

and I did

I changed quickly and jogged past multiple signs which thoughtfully informed that this area was the elephant seal’s area not the humans area, I wasn’t wearing my glasses and it was not very bright so I only saw them as I was leaving 

but I saw surfers in the water and the break looked nice enough so I ran through the grass towards the beach 100 yards off

where the grass stopped the seals started

some small but others enormous

big black bodies

pink mouths

and the screaming

but nothing could pierce the orange and purple sky 

I darted through a maze of them

(entirely honestly I don’t know where the courage to do this came from)

but

I sprinted the last 20 feet to the water, threw my board down and paddled hard past the break to arrive at the silent surfers

I was a mess of limbs and heavy breathing but their boards just made small sounds when they breached the swaying surface and i settled into the salt and the sea

it was a pitchy little close out but occasionally the ocean would toss in this fast pulling right that could pick you up at the rocky point and deposit you on the other side of the cove in just seconds, forcing you to take a deep breath while you paddle back past the seals and the sand

I told this guy that I had been looking to get in the water before sunset and I thanked him for sharing his spot with me

“I’ve come here every day for a couple weeks hoping this spot would be breaking”

“oh yeah?” I said, moving closer by kicking underneath my board

“It opens up only a couple times a year, it needs just the right swell direction, if the waves are too big it washes out, and if it’s too small it doesn’t break, oh and the wind blows it out almost every day on top of that.”

A wave came and he tore off down the line

I watched the sun set from the water 

splashed the cold water on my face.

And When i got back to the car I wrote

I wrote for him,

To her.

To her we are all just bodies

Blubbery and black

She pulls and pulls

The heat from our soles

But occasionally she opens up

And gives back

as he got in his truck I ripped out the page in my journal and handed it to him

My Pencil

With the slow re-entrance to in-person classes, I have found that several digital aspects still remain part of my daily routine. While I used to carry a large pencil case with an assortment of options, I now have only one pencil that I keep in a little fuzzy pouch. Paper handouts are a rare commodity these days, and I find my handwriting degrading by the day.

I have left behind the use of binders – something which I have practiced and perfected since the second grade. The amount of papers I use now simply does not fill enough space to justify the use of a large cardboard structure that fills my backpack. I now carry a simple folder, one I have been saving for years.

My inability to write as aesthetically as I did in previous years may hinder me in life, but at least I can type efficiently.

I know that I will never retire my pencil, however, as there will always be a need to write.

Image Credit: CBS News

Passing By

As i  have finally arrived

What a beautiful place

Full of people like me

They took a different road

But now we are all here

As one, two walk pass

Free

Going where they please

With such ease

What a wonderful world.

The lights gleam

Everyone is on their own path

Tonight is a soulful night

Now is my time

To look back on the past

i enjoyed the journey

The bluejay has been away

And now is my time

To finally fly

Image Credit: Me

Limited Time

Now that spring has begun and the air is faintly smelling of orange blossom filling the valley air in the brisk mornings, I can tell my time here is coming to an end. The morning and afternoons driving up and down the weaving road into the campus atop the hill. There are so many fond memories that will last more than a life time.

But now I am counting the weeks left in this beautiful place that I have spent the last four years of my life. In one way, this place is kind of all I have ever known, but it has made me want to branch out and go explore. I have learned so much academically, but also as a person.

I’ve learned what to expect from people and how to protect myself and control emotions, I’ve learned how to make true life long connections with people but most importantly I began to learn who I am.

All of these small simple lessons have been learned simply from waking up and going to school every morning and giving it all I could every day.

So now I have realized I have limited time left, and that is in fact scary, but it is leading me to a new adventure.

Photo credit : Ojai Valley School

Who I am

Do you know this feeling, when your heart drops and it feels like someone just dug a knife through it. That feeling that shivers down your spine and makes the hair on your arms crawl up. You’re pumped with adrenaline. Your heart is beating out your chest. And then, just silence. You don’t know what you feel anymore, it’s too much. Tears start rolling down your face. Your breath gets faster and faster.

Thinking about it, emotions are a fascinating and scary thing. One moment they make you feel like you are on top of the world, the next they crush you down to the floor. But I am not saying that that’s a bad thing. They help us learn, they help us communicate with other people without using words. People can connect, solely through their emotions. It helps us understand each other more. 

For the longest time, I tried to suppress my emotions. I feel weak showing my flaws and I don’t want people to see me cry. It is still something I am struggling with to this day. But I have found ways to deal with it by myself. Running, singing, playing tennis, are all things that help me burn off stress. But camping is probably the thing that has helped me most throughout my life. 

When I am outside camping with friends, I just forget all my worries for a while. Everything is ok and I just feel free and relaxed. Its like I’m in a completely different state of mind, like bad things can’t even get close to me. And at night when I look up at the stars, I just feel thankful for the life I have. How lucky I am to have such great friends and memories of traveling around the planet. How supportive my family is, and how excited I am for my future. 

Feelings are a important part of who we are as a person. They define us. And we shouldn’t be ashamed of them. even though I still struggle, I know there are people out there who care for me and who support me in anything I do. 

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32469035646.html

Music

It is strange the way that we associate music with memories.

It is like a strong perfume that is impossible to disassociate with an era.

There are songs I cannot listen to because I was sad during the month it was in my playlist, or even because I feel that I have moved on from that time period. I now listen to a song knowing that one day, likely very soon, I will have grown out of this small era and will associate the song with the general mood of the month.

Small things in life change rapidly, including the clothes you choose, the breakfast you eat, your daily routine, the people you talk to, and the music you hear. Listening to music from a different era of mine often makes me feel uncomfortable, even if it was a good era, simply because I am not there anymore. It reminds me that times have changed, even if it is month to month.

Sometimes I regret listening to the same four songs day after day on my drive to school because I know what I am building. It will be a memory for my future self to listen to and reflect.

The automatic association of music and memories is hard to shake. They are not implicit memories, it is the general tone of the era that went unrecognized until you hear the songs and realize the moment has passed.

Image Credit: Apple Music

Follow the Road

As i begin my journey to follow this road

This is not Cormac’s Road, nor the road that you may know

i must realize this, before i choose to go

This is a road that only i am on.

You are taking your own road, 

But perhaps i’ll see you when we get there

I will follow the road as the bluejay follows the wind

Great and unknowing, this road is

Little do you know where you are headed

But that is the magic of this road

We are all on the pursuit of happiness

A new age

Welcome to the rest of your life, they say

Heaven belongs to you

When you reach the bump in the road

Hit it in stride

Take pride

When you reach the end up the road,

i urge you to look back and enjoy the view of the past

As you are on your way, and i am on mine

i wish you to drive safe

But enjoy the ride

Because time flies quicker than you know

Before you know it,

We’ll be saying goodbye

In another lifetime

Image from Material district

love is no match for the rolling hills of time

It was one of those situations

right people wrong time

she was young-maybe 12

head over heals in love

awkward smile awkwardly tall

not his type

he was almost 14

into the older girls

the curves and the polished skin

so she settled for friendship

and friends they were

the towering mountains were their play ground

and the horses they rode weren’t horses

they were carriages that they could beckon at any moment

they laughed together as children at baby cows and the absurd amount of men is Speedo’s who were the raining species on the river that flowed in their hills

and they also cried together as teenagers about broken hearts and the fact that life was passing them by too quickly

their untouchable and unchainable wonderland was slowly being corrupt with life’s responsibilities

the two met one day, down by the river, days away from the girls 15th birthday

she told him about a boy, who made her laugh and who made her nervous, in a good way, when he walked by

that night when the now almost 17 year old boy went home and thought long and hard about how that awkward little girl is not so awkward anymore-she was quite pretty actually… he had never noticed

but time still drew on

and as he reached out for a hand that had been extended out to him for so long he found himself with nothing to grab

from there the wonderland became obsolete, almost unobtainable with their new found past times

but the two still travel the wonderland in their minds

relishing in the pure happiness and ignorant bliss that floated around simultaneously with the oxygen

he knew that she loved him, but she never knew that he feel for her too