As a kid who was raised by a father who really likes movies, I can happily say that I have seen a lot more good movies than bad ones. Even the ones I didn’t thoroughly enjoy, are usually just slower movies that are hard to watch with a teenage attention span. However, at one point I did have a girlfriend who liked to watch the bachelor so I’m pretty well versed in awful media now and I can say with certainty that I have seen some pretty awful movies. Some on my own time some because I was forced to watch them.
Alright, let’s start with a steaming hot take. If you get mad at this one I would definitely stop reading this blog now. If you know me, you know I have a primal hatred towards musicals. Especially ones dealing with love and/or falling in love. In my opinion not only is love not that exciting but there is literally no emotion exciting enough to warrant breaking out into song and dance. And that is why I literally hate La La Land. I’m sure I will get crucified for this but I will die on this hill with pride as I am certain that this is a garbage movie. First I will agree that it does have its funny moments. But this movie literally cannot decide what the hell it wants to be. First, it’s kind of a drama about this scum bag dude who never deserves love in his life, then kind of a comedy as he meets the most mundane and indecisive woman in the world. Then it’s kind of a comedy but the whole time I’m just hoping that these two just cut their losses and go find someone else. Neither of them is an interesting character and neither of them is charming at all. Watching them fall in love is like watching paint dry with a bit of song and dance in between. This movie to me is the epitome of Millennialism, no I will not elaborate. This movie is a solid D- for decide what the hell you want your movie to be. (Sorry not sorry to the La La Land Stans in here)
The second movie on the chopping block is Ready Player One. As someone who both adores the book and most of Spielberg’s films, I was hoping for an absolute banger when I went to see this movie. What I got was an absolute sell-out of a rom-com with a pretty boy as the lead actor. Not only does this movie completely betray the book harder than any Hobbit or Lord of the Rings could possibly hope to, but THEY ALSO TOOK THE F***ING RUSH REFERENCE OUT. And as someone who was born in Canada, I will never forgive the writers and Spielberg. This movie sucks and Spielberg is on thin ice. Solid F- for F*** this movie.
Now for actually the worst movie, I have ever seen. Although I have infinite amounts of hatred for both Ready Player One and La La Land, I understand that there is appeal there and that people like this movie. The one movie that I will never understand or ever have an ounce of respect for is The Kissing Booth. I hate this movie. It is so bad that I can happily say that I would rather watch paint dry for two weeks than watch this movie once. I have seen this movie twice and both are the most torturous experiences of my life. This movie sucks so bad that if you like it, I urge you to go get some taste. Netflix literally made one of the most unrelatable teen movies ever made, but the plot might literally be the worst plot ever written. Solid H+ for hiring some new writers.