Author: glittersparkleprincess67

Brother

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My brother is my favorite person in my life; he understands me better than anybody and has never given up on me. He has seen me through every aspect of my life and has helped me through everything. He is, of course, my annoying older brother who pushes my buttons, but he is also my biggest inspiration. He makes me want to work harder every day for my goals because I watched him do just that his whole life. He holds me accountable for my actions and for being responsible for my life and my future, and while it may be frustrating and irritating in the moment, I can look back and be so thankful I have someone who pushes me like that. Besides being an amazing role model, he is an amazing friend; I call him multiple times a week at all hours of the day, and he always answers and lets me talk about nonsense for hours. He constantly takes me out to dinner, shopping, or golfing just so we can spend time together doing fun activities. My brother makes sure I always have what I need to achieve my goals, and I could not be more grateful for him. He is by far the best big brother in the world, not only because he loves me but because he makes it his mission to ensure I succeed and can live the best life possible.

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The Start to an End

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It is the third week of my senior year and I already have learned so much about myself and those around me. I moved in this year alone which was honestly really sad and depressing, I felt alone and like I had been pushed out of nest without any warning and before I was ready. However when I got to California I felt this odd sense of peace and support that I had never really felt before. Not only from my family here in California but especially from my friends. Within 24 hours of me being here I already had a hangout planned and was beyond excited to see my friends who I haven’t seen in 3 months. My first couple days on campus were filled with long hugs and constant “I missed you so much!” Hearing this and seeing it for myself made em feel so loved and wanted. I know it is only the third week of my senior year but I already am getting this vibe that this year is going to be amazing or at least I hope it is. I am excited to experience my final high school moments and memories with the people who have given me a family here. I truly can’t express into words how grateful I am for my friends here, I especially can’t express my gratitude for being able to finish high school with them.

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Girlhood

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Being a girl is an experience that words cannot capture, no matter how hard we try. There is a sense of connection that every woman feels with each other; we all know what it’s like to experience your period for the first time, what it’s like to have to go bra shopping for the first time, and we all know what it’s like to look over our shoulders when walking alone. Like many, if not almost all, women, I remember my first time looking over my shoulder and feeling an instant adrenaline rush telling me to run. I was 10 years old, walking to the Walgreens two streets over from my house to go grab snacks on a hot summer day. I was wearing black Nike shorts and an oversized Miami Dolphins t-shirt. A man driving in his car up the road I was going down slowed when he saw me, and he instantly turned around and started following me. My heart sank to my feet, and my whole body went cold. I was only a child, but I had this immediate response, almost as if it had been ingrained into my DNA, telling me to run, and I did. I ran as fast as my body physically could home, and when I got into my house, I sprinted up to my room and didn’t come out for hours. I didn’t walk to that Walgreens for 3 years after that due to the fact that I was so terrified. This may sound like some unique experience, but it is a common one for women to experience even at that young age. Being a girl means having to assess your surroundings wherever you go to ensure you are safe or at least know how to get out. Being a girl means going everywhere with someone else to make sure you are never alone. Being a girl means knowing to cover your drink and only taking closed cans when you are out. Girlhood is the feeling of experiencing universal experiences with women you may never meet; girlhood is knowing what it’s like to look over your shoulder wherever you go, a feeling every woman who has ever lived can relate to.

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Documentaries

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As a kid, if you asked me whether I would rather watch SpongeBob or a documentary on ancient civilizations, unlike most children, I would have said the documentary. I loved documentaries as a kid, specifically on ancient history or endangered animals. I can’t exactly explain why; I guess I liked to learn, along with the fact that I had a probably unhealthy obsession with ancient Egypt for an 8-year-old. I still, to this day, could tell you the step-by-step process for mummification as well as the amazing technology they had for their time. I could probably also still recall the reasons that the Northern White Rhino is critically endangered, or how whales evolved. Part of me wishes I still had this same urge to learn as I did when I was a kid. It’s not that I don’t like learning now, but it all feels too rehearsed and processed; it’s like it’s only taught to us to give us a grade and move us to the next level of the school system, and not because they want us to actually be entertained and invested. I hope one day I want to learn the same way I did when I was a kid, when I believed I could be anything and do anything.

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Mixed

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Growing up mixed meant never fitting into a box. I was too white for the Latino kids and too Latina for the white kids. On standardized tests, it felt like a betrayal to pick a box identifying my ethnicity, like I was picking sides. Even with my family, I felt out of place; my white side never understood why I was offended by certain “jokes”, and they could never understand certain struggles I would have to face. My Latino side always criticized me for being no sabo and disconnected from my culture. I felt so isolated and alienated from everyone and everything that should have given me a sense of community and belonging. As I got older, though, I realized that my identity, both racially and culturally, is mine to define and should not be dictated by others and their comments. I am so proud of my Salvadoran roots and work every day to grow closer to my culture, whether through language, food, or dance. I am also proud of my French roots and often try to learn more about them through my grandfather. I feel so blessed to be able to experience multiple amazing cultures all within my family. If I could go back and give my younger self a hug and tell her she is enough for both her Latina and white side I would. I am mixed and I am proud to be mixed.

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