The life cycle is quite an interesting phenomenon. One day, you’re just born, random gender, random name, you’re stuck in a random place, born into a random family. You may not like your name, you may not like your gender, you spend your whole life being told you have the power to change whatever you want but then everyone tries to stop you. You get a job, you build a life, buy a home and that makes you happy, but does it really make you happy? Or are you just told that it’s supposed to make you happy?
You then have kids, and you introduce them to the same cruel cycle you were introduced to. And who even knows if you’re fit to be a parent, nobody taught you how to parent, and now you have to completely cultivate another human being. They have just as complex of a mind as you do, they question life too and they’ll likely go through the same cycle you did. Doing what you’re told is supposed to make you happy, with no direction, no real end goal.
And then, just like that one fateful day comes and that whole cycle ends for you. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of theories on what happens when we die, we’ll never know. Personally, I believe that there’s nothing, just like a sleep without dreams, a sleep you won’t wake up from. All that build-up, all that work to make a spot in society, to make yourself happy, just for it to end as fast as a computer shuts down. And that’s it. Makes it seem pointless, but for some reason, we push on, maybe we’re just trying to find a reason to live, maybe we’re just scared of dying.
There are moments when I find myself caught in the cross fire between my heart and my head. I often cant decided weather or not I should listen to the voices in my head telling me what to do, or my heart guiding me in in the direction of possible heart break. I want to follow the direction of my heart, but my head always stops me and poses the question of “what if”
So now when my mind is blank, the thought of the matter at hand will cross my previously calm mind. And suddenly, there’s a sense of panic that overtakes me and I feel uneasy. As if I am stuck with a decision that for one reason or another, my mind can not physically comprehend because my heart will still get in the way.
One way or another, my heart and mind play tricks on each other, but both only have the best of intensions for my own happiness. So there lies the conflict, when is it that I listen to my head, and when do I listen to my heart?
Is it worth the minor lapses of fear and judgment for potential happiness? Or is it that I should disregard both and simply try and play it safe.
Even that question is too grand to answer for myself. So I still remain to question decisions, or simply protect myself from a risk just to avoid the confusion of my heart. I consistently bombard myself with the age old question of “what if?”
But maybe someday, I will listen to the deep feelings being stirred in my heart and follow that, for it could lead me to my greatest potential happiness. Maybe I will rebut the question of “what if?” with “why not?”.
As time went on, my emotions started to grow into something not so pretty. My thoughts and feelings followed me everywhere, even when I wanted nothing to do with them. I was trapped and claustrophobic. I would come home from school and sit in silence, and do nothing. My motivation was gone, my happiness was fake, and my mental health was non existent. Sometimes it would hurt to cry because the mental pain I was in.
I was getting better. I wanted, no I needed to get better. I talked with someone, a couple someones, and I worked on my mental health. I started feeling bursts of happiness and motivation. These feelings that I have not felt in a long time. I thought I was getting better, I thought life was treating me well. Until it was not.
This time I understood what I was feeling, and I wanted it to stop. I did everything I could to get better, and I knew it was going to be a long process with setbacks. I was kind to myself, as well as patient. It took a while, and I still have ups and downs, but I am getting better. It is a day-by- day process.
I am finally able to say that I’m truly happy with life.
Am I laying in a hospital bed surrounded by my family, basking in all of my successes. Nothing but happiness and satisfaction when I look back. I close my eyes with the itention of sleeping. Slipping deeper into sleep. I lose my grip on life. My lungs exhale with my last breath and Im gone.
Is that a sad way to go?
Or am I climbing Mount Everest? Each breath a fight for survival. Each step a step closer to absolute accomplishment. Maybe I started in a group of 15 and now there are two. My other partner ready to make the summit with me. We leave camp four which sits exactly at 26,000 feet. It is a day of oxygen tanks and sheer pain. The wind is generous but the air still spun with little frozen flakes. Were so close. With only a half an hour longer, my partner says he can’t make it. I push on. I make it. The snow had stopped completely. My lungs shrunk and my body crippled with the cold. Sitting down I rest. Absolute peace. The clouds hung below the mountain cutting me off from the ordinary world. Hours pass by after the excruciating journey, I let the cold take my body. The weather changes and the winds pick up. Without enough strength or carry on I sit there letting the elements take me. In my last minutes, all I can think about is the excruciatingly cold pain that rips at my skin. I close my eyes and my body is forever frozen in time.
That would be cool.
But what happens after death?
Do I instantly begin a new life? Do I get re-circulated back into the possibly ever looping birth cycle? Did I die just to die again and again and again?
Or does my energy and soul dissipate into the world erasing me completely?
These questions are unanswerable so I choose not to fear death but accept that it will happen. All I can do is live before I die.
When someone is vibrating at a lower vibration of fear and disconnection from Source/Self and is attempting to project this reality in to yours it is extremely important that you project a reality of understanding, compassion and empowered inner strength right back to them.
For example, if someone treats you poorly in order to get what they want and you react the way they want/expect you to out of fear, they won’t love you or feel supported by you anymore, they will never learn to respect you.
Stand up for yourself.
“It’s really not okay for you to treat me this way when I have done nothing to deserve the anger you’re throwing at me. I’m taking responsibility for my own reality and removing myself from this situation in honor of Self preservation.”
The light of awareness that you shine in that moment of truth is a light that gives them the opportunity to reflect on the reality they’ve created and rise to meet you on a lighter level of being. We all have a right to live a noble and virtuous life as kings and queens of our reality. We have the ability to create a life of preferences that are tailored to fit our emotional mental physical and spiritual needs. enough of trying to fit in or please people who do not understand or honor you where you’re at. love yourself and build a life that reflects that and you will surely attract a tribe of beings who can stand beside you to receive the blessings that life offers and create a new reality from the overflow.
If you stay up late only once in a while, that is NOT ENOUGH and please change it as soon as possible! If you like to stay up late constantly, that is GREAT and please keep doing that as long as possible!
There are plenty of reasons to go to bed late, for most people it’s something really “important” and “urgent” they have to do. Either of these two reasons is definitely WORTH burning the midnight oil for.
This is a slippery slope, people who pull an all-nighter will get up late the next morning, then they can continue to go to bed late again.
Studies show, people who habitually stay up late gain weight really easily. In the late-night, your appetite will be better and the rate of metabolism will be affected as well. Then you can have more weight than others who eat the same amount of food and go to sleep regularly.
And you can also gain confidence through staying up the whole night. Your vision will become poorer and poorer, too poor to see your face with the poor skin condition in the mirror clearly. Of course, you will feel much better when you can’t see your pimples, dark circles, wrinkles, receding hairlines…
The most important thing is that both your focus and memory worsens, and productivity decreases. So you will forget unhappy things more easily, and you can enter the realm of true happiness.
So, for pursuing TURE happiness, please be a night owl and continue to stay up late.
when I go to the beach or sit in my backyard, i like to have moments to myself where i am able to reflect on my decisions (past and future ones) while i look at the sun setting.
the sun has always drawn me (even though i hate the heat). i’m not sure why either. maybe it’s because i was born in arizona and raised in california but that has always been a question in the back of my head.
there is a point in the day where the sun becomes vulnerable. as the heat begins to die down and the night chill takes over, the sun is at its weakest and i am infatuated with that moment. when this key element for human survival is powerless, i am able to become emotionally naked. Together, the sun and I are parallels as we expose ourselves.
while i sit on the sand or on the grass and look up at the painted sky, i ask myself these simply put but complex questions: am i happy? and if so, why or why not?
Lately, i have been happy for a plethora of reasons. And today, the sun has made me think of the people who raised me. the sun has made me reflect on my mother who has taught me graciousness and the fundamentals of being a strong woman as well as my father, who installed creativity and imagination into my thought process at a young age.
so tonight, as i look into the golden sky, i thank the sun for keeping me humble and letting me pour my heart out when it and me are completely bare.
I’ve started to realize it’s the little things I change about my day that make me feel so much better.
I’ve started studying outside during my free blocks. Even when I’m not doing work, I just sit outside on my phone instead of inside my dimly lit, stuffy dorm room. It feels so much better having both the sun and light breeze against my skin, keeping me warm and cool at the same time. It’s more refreshing, though I’m not doing anything more than sitting outside.
I’ve started getting up early again. I get up around six a.m. now and, despite sleeping less hours, I feel more awake than when I’d sleep in until 7:40. I get up and force myself to go running because even if I’m tired in the moment, I feel wide awake for the rest of the day. I have time to go to breakfast, less time to rush to get ready for classes, and more time to hang out with friends in the morning. I’m no longer starving by the third class of the day or falling asleep by the fourth.
It’s a good feeling finally being motivated to do the small things that make drastic changes to how my days turn out for me and I’m appreciating every day so much more because of it.