Mother, Mother

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Mother, Mother,

Please don’t frown,

Nothing’s turning upside down.

Mother, Mother,

Open your eyes and see

That love is in everything.

Mother, Mother,

Please don’t cry.

It’s not too late to give love a try.

Mother, Mother,

Don’t be mad.

For I promise, it’s our love that’ll make you glad.

Mother, Mother,

If only you could see

That our love could fix anything.

Mother, Mother,

Don’t shut the door.

We know we’re not welcome anymore.

Mother, Mother

Please don’t be angry

Because it’s your anger that makes you scary

Mother, Mother,

Put that drink away.

We really wish that you would stay.

Mother, Mother,

Please don’t die,

Because if you do, it’ll make us cry.

Mother, Mother,

Why can’t you see

That life is better than it seems.

Mother, Mother,

We love you so,

More than you will ever know,

Mother, Mother,

Please don’t push us away,

Because it’s our love that makes us stay.


Until this past summer, I have always self-identified as fully white. If someone asked me what my ethnicity was, I would automatically say white. Sometimes, when people would try to pry, further questioning my response, I would almost yell,”I’M WHITE. I’M JUST TAN.”

This past summer I have come to terms with myself in a lot of more ways than one. A huge step for me was that, I have begun self-identifying as half-black and half-white.

I think there were two main reasons I did not associate myself with being African-American.

No, it is not because I’m embarrassed or ANYTHING along those lines.

The first being: the classic dead-beat dad story.  Up until very recently, I have given myself the power to not have to identify as the daughter of a black man who does not identify as a father.

The second reason being, well, racism, discrimination, and oppression, are all still alive and well.

On Father’s Day of last year, I posted something similar to this on a small instagram account I have only for close friends. Someone told me that “no one really cares” and “I don’t see why that’s a big deal.”

It’s a huge deal. Once you’re fifteen years into your life and you finally feel comfortable enough to accept and express the half of your identity that’s made you feel empty for years, it’s a huge deal.

Yes, I am half-black; yes, I am identify with the 17.9 other African-Americans in the U.S; yes, my dad is black; yes, that’s my real mom; and, yes, I’m proud.


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Best Mom Ever

I can seriously say that I have the best mother ever without a doubt in my mind.

She is the kindest person I have ever known. She is kind to every person she comes across. There is not a mean bone in her body.

She is the most loving, accepting, patient and tolerant person. Which are good qualities for her to have, because I was the most difficult, stubborn, and troublesome child to try to control.

She has been a mother to three kids, and still she manages to keep her patience and kindness. She even acts as a mother to those who aren’t her own. It’s amazing how much unconditional love she has for people.

Like most kids, I went through a phase where I thought my parents were terrible, evil people who were trying to ruin my life. But looking back, they did everything for me that I have ever needed. They are selfless and amazing.

I don’t really know how to put into words how much I love my mom. I trust her more than anyone on this planet. And not just because she is my mother by blood. But because she is the person that she is and has the qualities that she has. And the fact that she makes dorky faces at me, and cries whenever I leave for school. And the fact that she spoils me even when we don’t have enough money. And the fact that gives me what I want even when I deserve it.

But, I love her for the things she does on the contrary as well. I love the fact that she tells me the truth, even when it’s not what I want to hear. And the fact that she is always right, even when I wish she wasn’t. And the fact that she is totally embarrassing. And the fact that she fights with me when I deserve it.

I love everything about this woman and I don’t know how I was ever able to take her for granted. I can say she has without a doubt made me the person that I am toady. She supports me, she encourages me, and she guides me without even knowing it. She is the best role model a girl could wish for.

I hope I have been a daughter she can be proud of. And really, I can only hope that I can become half of the person that she is today.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I hope you realize that you are so much more than the hands that feed me and the house that shelters me. You are my inspiration and my best friend. I love you more than words can describe.

Chocolate Chip Pancakes with a Side of kirbyfullyloaded.

So my wish came true!

I was able to go to the beach with an amazing friend of mine, Emmy (kirbyfullyloaded).

It was nice being able to be away from the dorms.It felt like the first time in a long time since I had been away from school related things.

Emmy’s mom is amazing. She made us breakfast everyday. In fact, this morning she made us chocolate chip pancakes and we ate them watching the high tide with the early sun.

Chocolate. Sun. Sand. Ocean. What else could a girl ask for??

Anyways, after breakfast, we both changed from our pajamas into our bathing suits (although it probably wasn’t the best idea considering my massive food baby) and ran to tan on the deck of her house. We listened to Maroon 5 together and made plans for our next weekend date! Hopefully we will be able to surf and bake a bunch of fattening goodies.

Weekends like this really let me value my friends and realize importance of spending time with good people.
Being able to stay up late with Emmy, snacking on random cookies, seaweed, and digestive wheat crackers (trust me, they taste absolutely amazing), just to keep us awake while we talked all night until the early hours of the morning was great.
Painting our nails for hours, singing along to music, critiquing singers for foibles in their voices, and not being able to wake up from staying up so late…priceless.

It lets me step back and realize how blessed I am with my friends.

Thank you Emmy for letting me stay at your house this weekend.

You are an amazing girl. Never change.

Strange family

So during this winter break, I went home back in Japan. It was so great to see my family and friends and I enjoyed hanging around with them.

Some of the days, I chilled at home getting yelled by my mom for sleeping in. My mom would come into my room and wake me up at 8 in the morning, and I yelled, “Mom, it’s only 8. Let me sleep.” And she would always say, “Everyone is up and done eating breakfast and I don’t want to wait for you to do your dishes. You know what? If you don’t get up now, then you’re going to clean your dishes, wipe the table and do garbage disposal.”

Gosh, chill out. It’s only 8.

Well, my dad wakes up at 3:30 AM and gets ready to golf every single morning. My mom wakes up at 5AM to cook breakfast and get ready for the day. So basically we’re all morning people.

More surprisingly, my dad goes to bed at 7PM so the curfew he sets is 6PM for me. I want to say, Dad I’m 17. Are you kidding me? But I would never say that because he is so strict and frightening when he gets angry. I could never disobey him. Yes, a typical Asian dad.

My mom and my little brother Hosei (it is a Spanish name but we pronounce it “Housei”, which is also a Japanese name) go to bed at 8:30.

At 9PM, my house is dark except for my room. And I get so scared by myself going downstairs because we all sleep upstairs.

Well, this is my family and I know they are little strange.

AP Week and My Mom

Sometimes, I think my mom should’ve been born my little sister. I love her to death but sometimes she can be very dogmatic.

This weekend is Mother’s Day and my mom has been meaning to come up and take me away for Saturday and bring me back on Sunday. However, the thing is the weekend that she wants to come is the weekend between the two AP weeks.

Furthermore, that weekend is a packed weekend for me. Friday, I would have just finished my APUSH exam. Saturday, I would have taken three SAT II tests. That Sunday afternoon, I would be taking a AP Biology final just to take a AP Biology exam the following day.

My mom wants to take me out to dinner and stay at a hotel with me during this hectic week, only to make it more hectic and taking time away from studying. The funny thing is, this is the first time that my mom has wanted to take me out for Mothers’s Day while I was away at boarding school. The one time that she wants to take me out is the busiest time of my academic career.

I told her I cannot do this weekend. However, she refuses to understand the pressure that is mounted on my shoulders.


Dear Mom.

People might think this is “lame” of me to say, but I love my mom.

Yeah, sometimes we fight but it never lasts long and she tends to be the most understanding person in the world.

She’s been there through everything with me. And sure, that’s a given, I mean, she’s my mom. But she’s truly been there through the ups and downs and has helped me get through the hardest parts of my life.

I mean, she has to be a pretty good mom if she put up with my I-want-to-be-exactly-like-my-big-brother-so-can-I-please-get-a-buzz-cut-and-be-a-vegertarian-and-snowboard-and-be-tall-so-maybe-Ben-and-his-friends-will-like-me faze.

She’s also been to every one of my performances. From my pre-school performances about who-remembers-what, to my first time doing a Shakespearean play during 2nd grade, to my first real musical in 4th grade, to my vocal showcases, to my various concerts, to my first school musical, and every little event in between.

Mom and Fred “Spiderman” Waugh at one of my various Elementary School events.

Not to mention after I was born she decided to be stay-at-home mom for my brother and I so she could be the best mother she could possibly be (and she is, by the way.) She might have also decided to be a stay-at-home mom when she came home from work to see my nanny feeding me chili. This would have been fine, except I was less than a year old and it was my first real solid food. Mom might have freaked out a bit.

I love my mom, and I think a lot of people don’t realize how much their mom puts into being there for them whenever they need them to.

I love you, Mommy, thanks for being there.

No big deal or anything, but that’s my mom flying a hang glider super duper high in the air and totally isn’t scared at all.
It’s the greatest.