promise

do you remember when i broke your hat?

i stole it from you so you would chase after me.

we ran across the grass, smiling.

eventually you tried to grab it out of my hands,

but i kept tugging so hard

that the back just snapped off.

i apologized a thousand times and

told you i would get you a new one,

but you said you didn’t mind.

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it was worth the laugh, you told me.

“promise you’re not mad?” i asked.

you looked me in the eye

and latched your pinky finger with mine.

“promise,” you replied.

a few years later it happened again,

except this time you broke something of mine.

you apologized a thousand times,

and told me that you would try to mend it,

but i said i didn’t mind.

it was worth it, i told you.

“promise we can still be friends?” you asked.

i hooked my pinky finger onto yours

but never looked you in the eye.

“promise,” i lied.

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Promise me, Dear Lapland.


Do you remember the promise, Lapland?

I know you do.

Covering the whole of northern Finland, Lapland is said to be the true home of Santa. No surprise then, this place really comes into its own at Christmas. Imagine cozy log cabins, crackling campfires and husky sleds and reindeer sleighs swishing through the snow. Plus, there are plenty of ways to get out into the wilderness, like snowmobiling and skiing.

And that is the place that hides at almost the northern top of the world, also the deepest corner within my heart.

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See you soon.

“I will miss you so much. Take care and love ya.”

Here I am, sitting on this particular rock, the place we used to share together, and enjoying the last piece of sunshine of the day. I cried.

Stepped into my room – 105, my brand new junior life started. I smelled your lotion, and then laughed as we used to do. Then I played that song which we used to sing along to together. I miss you, my roommate.

“Good morning everyone!” “Good morning…!” No more exaggerated but joyful laughter as the beginning of a canty day. I miss you, my sweet Serry.

“I want you, you and you to run four miles while everybody else go for Backgate please.” I joined crosscountry team this year, but you left. We miss you, our best runner Reika.

“What’s for breakfast today?” “Your favorite Waffle!” I’ve been used to sitting here, the seat next to you, but not you anymore. No one will get the meal for me and then wait with a tender smile before I get there. I miss you, my superman.

The things are still there, but men are no more the same ones. The days we spent together are only for once, however, even though we try to hold it as tightly as we can. Memories will never vanish.

Win a few, lose a few. That’s life.

“I hope this gives you power, bravery, and warmness. And I’ll see you soon.”

Here I am, running through this particular forest, the place we used to strive together, and greeting the first streak of amber moonlight. I smiled.

Yes, I’ll see you soon.

You Are My Sweetest Downfall…

I am obsessed with the song Samson by Regina Spektor. Ask my roommate, she knows.

What I love the most about the song is not the beautiful, velvety vocals but the lyrics (to be specific, the meaning behind them).

It tells the story of Samson through the eyes of Delilah, his deceitful wife. Samson was blessed by God with incredible strength (he could even kill a lion with his bare hands). With that strength, Samson fought off wicked people and God was pleased. Samson was good. He was obedient and he loved God. So, God promised Samson his strength as long as he never cut a hair off his head.

Delilah had given into sin by accepting the bribes of the Philistines. Blinded by money, she sought to find Samson’s ultimate weakness and to bring about his downfall. Every night, he incessantly asked her husband where his shortcomings lied. But every night, Samson gave her the wrong answer. After being given the answer, Delilah called the Philistines to her house to attack her husband, just to have Samson fight them off.

Finally, one night, Delilah got to him. She had told him that if he truly loved him, he would confide in her.

and he did.

Samson lost his hair that night and Delilah sold her husband to the Philistines. Tied to a pillar in their palace, Samson watched as the Philistines celebrated with a feast. Samson, deceived, guilt welling up in his chest cavity, prayed to God for one last chance. He asked for forgiveness and he asked for his strength. And for the last time, Samson got up and used his power to break the pillar that he was tied against, killing all inside the building, including himself.

This story is particularly moving to me because it shows how easily mankind can fall into sin’s trap. Everyday, the story of Samson lives on in every one of us. We are the deceived but more often, we are the deceivers.

Once you branch off from the straight path, like a tree that has grown crooked, you can never go back and straighten in out again. The past will always remain in the past. But life’s goal is to turn back once a mistake has been made. You must live and learn. Let the present be something you will never regret.

I Promise.

I promise,
that this was never fake.
Don’t you wish that I
was forgotten in the wake.
I promise,
to leave you behind.
I promise,
to turn my eyes blind.
I promise,
to break my own heart.
I promise,
to stop at the start.

Cross my heart,
Hope to die,
Stick a needle in my eye.
Cross your heart,
Prepare to die,
Stick a needle through your lie!

I promise,
to learn to breathe again.
The line I’ve walked
has reached an end.
I promise,
that you won’t feel.
I promise,
that your heart won’t heal.
I promise,
that you’re the reason why.
I promise,
that I can never lie.


Cross. Your. Heart.