The Stages of Prom Shopping (For an Anti-Sparkle-Social-Salamander)

Surface:

Woo cool.

Photo Credit: harrypotterreactions.tumblr.com

Brain:

Prom…yay…that’s what I’m supposed to do right? Maybe?

Photo Credit: imgur.com

Rational:

An excellent time to dress up and spend time on yourself, not to mention cut down on a day of dry and sleep inducing work. Right?

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Cynic:

But then again, it’s also a time for people to spend way too much money on a dress they’ll only wear once. Obsess over their size, feel self shame, worry way too much about how they look and what people will think of them.

Photo Credit: www.bustle.com

Social salamander mode:

You could just hide in the corner and act like you like no one…you could hoard a bunch of food and converse with the potted plants. Yeah that’s a good plan. Find the cheapest easiest dress you can, throw on a pair a nondescript shoes, do your hair like everyone else with an obscene amount of hairspray and self-consciousness. Yep that’s what I’m doing.

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Research:

This is all so much. So much sparkles. *bangs head on keyboard* So much shiny. *Sinks to knees* Why world?? So much sparkles, shoes, dress, eyes, blood stream. The cheapest thing is bedazzled to pluto and back, and eighty dollars??

Photo Credit: http://www.gurl.com

I’m going to need to pay for this:

*Opens purse* There’s some yarn, a tapestry needle, some bobby pins and oh wait is that money? => two hours, of digging through purse desperately, later => nope just a receipt for some sushi.

Photo Credit: www.gurl.com

After panic:

Know what world? I’m doing this my way. I’m going to work my own style and thrift store the price tags out of this equation. I’m doing this my awkward wallflower-y way and the socially acceptable prom ideals are going to take it. I’m done listening, I’m going to make this night of mandatory fun mine to enjoy how I please.

Photo Credit: www.buzzfeed.com

Junior Size Stress

I officially feel like an upperclassman.

This past week was the busiest of my life. I don’t want to go into great detail about every assignment, but let’s just say that I had about a week’s worth each night. Seriously.

I had one paper or major project due every day, along with smaller daily assignments. On top of that, I had the ACT on Saturday which I had to study for.

I didn’t wear makeup one time – and while that’s not of great importance to me, I think it serves as a visual representation of my stress.

This weekend isn’t any better – with the combination of my test and homework for next week, it’s just as busy. Next week is already set up to be the equivalent of this past one. I can’t catch a break!

Everyone always says how junior year is the hardest – there’s the most work, it’s the most stressful and of course, the most important. I can now say, with complete assurance, that I finally understand.

Photo Credit: cliparts.co

Anna Wintour GIFS that Express Every Stage of Finals

I’m going to say it, Anna Wintour is queen (in my opinion). Some find her intimidating, and have coined her the “ice queen.” But I disagree, she is the god of Vogue and Anna’s opinion matters in the fashion industry. Needless to say, she is my idol. So I have rounded up the best GIFs of Anna to show the progression of students gearing up for finals week (you have no idea how much I wish it was Fashion Week instead).

When finals are mentioned in class

Photo Credit: NY Mag

When you hear how much of your grade the final is worth

Photo Credit: NY Mag

When your teacher asks you how you feel

Photo Credit: NY Mag

How you really feel

Photo Credit: NY Mag

When you talk to your friends about finals

Photo Credit: NY Mag

Walking into the final

Photo Credit: NY Mag

Sizing up your student competition

Photo Credit: NY Mag

When there’s material on the final you never learned

Photo Credit: NY Mag

When theres only 20 minutes left to finish

Photo Credit: NY Mag

When finals are over, and break has begun

Photo Credit: NY Mag

That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore

I’m not going to apologize for my humor anymore.

 My whole life I’ve had a very dry and edgy sense of humor, and with it I have attracted many close friends and also a couple enemies.  I was the most sarcastic kid on the playground, often getting in little fights with the kids around me because of this.

Back in my salad days, as Shakespeare would call them, I didn’t understand why people would get so worked up about my jokes.  As I got older, I realized my sense of humor was more mature than the people around me. 

When they were still on bathroom jokes, I had moved on to bigger things.  I would impersonate celebrities and my teachers, I would make jokes about current events, it was smart humor but my classmates never got it. 

I was no class clown though.  I was fairly quiet in class, always paying attention and raising my hand.  At lunch though, I was on fire.  I would come up with little sketches that I would then act out to my unwilling group of friends.  I remember I had one about Panda Express that was a big hit.  I don’t remember what is was about at all but it was quoted for weeks.

When I got to middle school, things changed.  Maybe it was my sudden realization that I could be judged for being “out there.”  My proudest moment in middle school was in the 7th grade.  The 7th grade was a god awful year for me and honestly drowning is probably better than 7th grade but it did have one shining moment.

 For the first year in my middle school’s history they would be having a play. Not a musical, but a play. 

I was so pumped it was unbelievable.  When I would talk about the play people probably wondered who the hell gave this 13 year old girl so much sugar, but it wasn’t sugar I was high off of, it was the theatre. Cheesy as that sounds, it rang very true for 13 year old, slightly chubby me. 

When I first auditioned I was scared out of my mind.  I found out there was only 10 parts in the show we were doing and only 3 of those parts were for girls.  I did my best in the audition, which wasn’t surprising because I always do my best in the things I really care about.

A week later, when the cast list came out, I screamed.  I screamed out of joy because I got in.  I Lily, the awkward, sometimes accidentally insulting, braces wearing girl got into a real play.  Of course the play was awful, as you would expect it to be since the cast was completely made out of middle school outsiders, but I thought it was amazing.  I thought I was amazing. 

Every single show, when I heard laughs from the audience because of something I said, it filled me with so much joy.   At the cast party, the director gave out little speeches to all of the young actors.  When it came to my turn to be praised, the director simply told me how funny I could be.  It made a huge impact on me.

Never had I actually been told I was funny. I just told jokes and would occasionally get laughs. 

In high school I was on the improv team and would get up on stage every week.  I began to write little comedy scenes for myself and keep them in a file on my computer.  

Comedy is something really important to me, and I’ve started using it as a cover for the real things I’m feeling.  I am not defined as a person by the jokes I tell so stop judging me for my humor. 

Credit to NBC

My Summer in Paraguay

This past summer I went to Paraguay for seven weeks as part of a program called Amigos de las Americas. After a one week training period in Houston, TX, I flew for 16 hours to the country’s capital, Asunción.

From there I met with all 50 of the volunteers, who were from all over the U.S. We then went through a more in-depth training, got our partners, and left for our communities.

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My partner Elizabeth and I were in a community called Costa San Blas, in the Department (kind of like a state) of Paraguarí. It was a beautiful, rural community, with roughly 800 people. We lived with our host family, which consisted of a mom, dad, two sisters and two brothers. Normally, only the mom and the sisters were around.

The community is living in poverty, but we were lucky enough to have running water and other appliances. We had a shower (though no hot water) and even had a washing machine! Surprisingly, we also had a T.V. and huge speakers, almost as tall as me.

A big part of their culture is music and dancing, so they would constantly be blaring their favorite songs and dancing as much as possible. It was so cool to experience.

As Amigos volunteers, Elizabeth and I were required to implement a project in the community, work with our partner agency, SENASA, to provide latrines to those in need, and hold camps for the younger kids at the school.

It was a busy summer!

The seniors at the school were building a playground for the younger grades to play on, and we adopted their project as ours. The kids still did all aspects that they planned – our job was to fundraise and buy paint to add some color to the playground.

We fundraised by holding a soccer tournament in the field behind our house. With the help of the senior girls, we made empanadas which we sold, along with other food and drinks at the games.

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Teams were charged, and the losers bought beer for the winners. With the money we made, we went out and bought paint!

For the latrines, we went around the community and met families in need, who we then taught how to construct the facility. Elizabeth and I helped distribute the materials, and the latrines were built!

Out of all our duties, the camps were my favorite. Held at the school while it was in session and behind our house over break, we worked with children from grades K-6 for two hours each day. We would play game after game, including duck-duck-goose, and games just from their community.

I loved spending time with the kids, and getting to know them all. They always looked forward to the camps, and it was the cutest thing ever.

At home, Elizabeth and I mainly hung out with our host sisters, Leila, 11 and Rocio, 6. Feisty but adorable, they would take us around the community, showing us every nook and cranny, and introducing us to different community members. Back at the house we would also play cards – I must have played at least 100 games of UNO.

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I know I made an impact this summer, and that’s an awesome feeling to have. I have a sense of accomplishment that I couldn’t achieve in any other way.

The fact that I built relationships with so many people, all in a different language and living so differently than what I’m used to, is pretty incredible to me.

I may not have changed the world, but I think I’ve impacted the lives of a few. And I’ve had an experience unlike any other, which I think is amazing within itself.

How can I focus on anything but grades?

Don’t focus so much on your grades.”

Teachers have said this over and over again since I started high school.

They constantly tell me to not focus on the end result, but to focus on the material, to develop an interest and study it out of enjoyment, not because I want to get a passing grade.

I don’t understand that at all. Why am I being told not to care so much about my grades or to not study only because I want a good grade, when in reality everything comes down to “intelligence” being perceived from a grade.

Photo Credit: http://rootsofaction.com

They say that the grade you get isn’t the important part, so why do we get grades at all?

For a teacher to tell me to calm down and relax and not concentrate or obsess so much over what my grade will be, is hands down the most frustrating thing a teacher can ever say.

Photo Credit: http://cdn.quotesgram.com/

It is simple, if teachers don’t want me to focus so much on the grade, then don’t “reward or punish” with a grade.

SAT TESTING ROUND TWO

Photo Credit: http://www.educationnews.org

Today I came home to hear some of the best news I have all week.

President Obama hates standardized testing almost as much as I do.

The Obama administration has come up with a new plan for standardized testing; capping standardized testing to 2% of classroom time.

Someone finally understands the pressure.

I have spent the past week agonizing over my latest SAT scores.

After receiving a score that I believe it so sub-par to the standards set, I sat in my room for hours and considered my options: maybe I won’t get accepted to any colleges, maybe I should just give up now, maybe I should spend an extra three hours a day studying for this test.

For this is a test that does not demonstrate the magnitude of what I have learned throughout the course of high school, but a test that displays how well I can adapt to it’s irrelevant questions.

Questions that are completely meaningless in the grand scheme of things, questions that do not reflect how intelligent I am, or how successful I will be in my college career.

Rather, this test gives college admission teams the ability to put my knowledge into a category of advanced or average.

The pressure I have felt throughout the past four years of my life to meet the “above average” score of this test is obscene.

I have spend countless nights laying awake in my bed wondering if the work I have completed in the last four years will be dismissed because of an average test score that I have earned through sitting at a desk for four hours.

The standardized system is flawed.

There is no standard anything for a million adolescent brains that function at different paces and in different ways.

Hurting is not Flirting

Photo Credit: thedailylove.com

As a young girl when a boy would pick on me on the playground I was told it was just because he liked me.

As a young girl when a boy would hit me on the playground I was told it was just because he liked me.

Photo Credit: facebook.com

Where do we draw the line? If a punch leaves a bruise and a girl goes crying to a nurse, does the excuse that “he must really like you,” make the bruise diminish? Like the size of a bruise or the deepness of a cut shows fondness to a young girl.

The sad truth is that we have taught boys the idea of violence and taunting is a way to show a girl that you like her.

Society has a serious problem in the way that we define masculinity. Young boys are shown that they should hide their emotions and the only manly way to display those suppressed feelings is through violence. Because for some reason acting “feminine” is a worst case scenario.

 

Homecoming

Photo Credit: reflector.uindy.edu

This past weekend many schools held their homecoming dances and games.

A time in the year when school show their spirit and during their dances the student body dresses up and post on Instagram how they got asked to this “magical” night, most likely to spark a flame of jealousy into their hundreds of followers.

Photo Credit: twitter.com

At OVS we don’t have homecoming, for a couple of reasons.

First, we don’t have
a football team making those ever so famous homecoming scenes, where the home team pulls through when their star player is injured and the water boy ends up making the game winning touch down – impossible for us to recreate.

Next, we are a school of less than 200 people so it makes little sense to have a dance where only twenty people who really want to be there.

Homecoming is a time when of the student body comes together as a community and shows their dedication to their school, but since OVS is already such a tight-knit community we don’t need a dance or a sports event to bring us together.

 

What Ojai Valley School Has Taught Me

It’s no secret that I hated OVS in the beginning of the year.  I carried an air of superiority with me, and I looked down on everyone else, thinking they were all kids with “messed up lives”  from “messed up families”.

On the second day of school, I had a very serious discussion with my advisor during which I explained to her my new theory:  OVS was actually a therapeutic school in hiding.

Looking back, I can barely control my laughter at how ridiculous I was.  My year at OVS has been one of the best experiences of my life.

Before I came to OVS, I wasn’t very mature, although I thought I was.  I didn’t have a grasp on what’s important in life, and I was too involved with materialistic thoughts.

After being at OVS for a year, I can confidently say that has changed.  OVS has taught me what true friendship is, how to stay motivated, and how to be honest.

It has also taught me a lot about myself and how I operate and work.  These are skills that I will always carry with me wherever I go.

It didn’t really hit me how much I would miss it here until a few days ago when I was driving on Wilshire.

Don’t ask me why that’s when it hit me- I have no idea.  But it hit me hard- as I watched someone make an extremely illegal u-turn, I realized something- I would really miss Jeff Lin.

This shocked me a little bit, but it makes sense.  Although one of the biggest things I learned about myself is that I like to be on my own, I made a lot of friends here that I didn’t even realize I cared about this much.

I’m not the best at goodbyes, so I’ll probably end up leaving without telling anyone.

I really just want to thank OVS for helping me find myself.

I was off course when I got here, and I had been for a long time before that.  I’m now finally beginning to get back to who I once was- the little blonde girl who wanted glasses to make her look smarter, who read the Harry Potter books over and over, who got made fun of for being the teacher’s pet.

I lost my motivation these past few years, and I think I secretly always wanted to be that person again.

OVS allowed me to be that person, and even embraced that person, and for that, I am forever grateful.