The Stages of Prom Shopping (For an Anti-Sparkle-Social-Salamander)


Woo cool.

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Prom…yay…that’s what I’m supposed to do right? Maybe?

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An excellent time to dress up and spend time on yourself, not to mention cut down on a day of dry and sleep inducing work. Right?

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But then again, it’s also a time for people to spend way too much money on a dress they’ll only wear once. Obsess over their size, feel self shame, worry way too much about how they look and what people will think of them.

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Social salamander mode:

You could just hide in the corner and act like you like no one…you could hoard a bunch of food and converse with the potted plants. Yeah that’s a good plan. Find the cheapest easiest dress you can, throw on a pair a nondescript shoes, do your hair like everyone else with an obscene amount of hairspray and self-consciousness. Yep that’s what I’m doing.



This is all so much. So much sparkles. *bangs head on keyboard* So much shiny. *Sinks to knees* Why world?? So much sparkles, shoes, dress, eyes, blood stream. The cheapest thing is bedazzled to pluto and back, and eighty dollars??

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I’m going to need to pay for this:

*Opens purse* There’s some yarn, a tapestry needle, some bobby pins and oh wait is that money? => two hours, of digging through purse desperately, later => nope just a receipt for some sushi.

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After panic:

Know what world? I’m doing this my way. I’m going to work my own style and thrift store the price tags out of this equation. I’m doing this my awkward wallflower-y way and the socially acceptable prom ideals are going to take it. I’m done listening, I’m going to make this night of mandatory fun mine to enjoy how I please.

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