Obsession

T-9 hours until I receive a decision from my second choice school.

For the past week, I have been constantly¬†contemplating my academic strengths and weaknesses, calculating my chances at these schools… as if I have a chance at predicting the decisions I will receive.

I have never wanted anything more than to be accepted to these institutions.

My top two school choices for the past few years have been the University of Southern California and Occidental College.

I would be happy at either college, however, my chances of getting into either school are slim.

In comparison to other students that applied to Occidental, I am just slightly below average, GPA and SAT wise.

In comparison to other students who applied to USC, I am sub-par, with my GPA and SAT scores falling quite far below their average accepted student.

I keep trying to envision myself at another school, but simply cannot.

I want Oxy and USC so badly it hurts. My stomach has been in knots for days, and until 5:00 pm this evening, I will not feel relief.

I know this feeling is normal, but that does not affect my level of anxiety. I remain eager, waiting impatiently.

Good luck to all of the high school seniors waiting to hear from their favorite schools, you will end up wherever you are supposed to.

Photo Credit to: michelleshaeffer.com

 

 

Growing Pains

Photo Credit to: theodysseyonline.com

Monogamy as a concept is a strange thing, but little girls are taught from early childhood to believe that it is the ultimate goals.

More than half of my friends parents are divorced, often times with one parent leaving the other behind completely abandoned.

For me, I don’t even remember my parents kissing because I was so young when they divorced. Yet, pretty much every story I was read at night ended with a boy and a girl falling in love and living happily ever after.

Now, I sit here in my late teenage years watching beautiful relationships turn toxic in the blink of an eye.

What was once the most amazing time of your life quickly becomes a distant and wildly painful memory.

I just broke up with the first person that I’ve ever loved and because of that I’m feeling certain emotions that I’ve never felt before.

I’m not sure how to dispose of these feelings for someone who I’m still kind of in love with, even though they hurt me so deeply and so consistently.

How do you know your last kiss will be your last kiss?

How do you know when he says “I love you” that it will be the last time you ever hear those words grace his lips.

There is no rule book on this stuff – no matter how much I wish there was.

My mom always said “love shouldn’t hurt”, and that is a major factor into why certain relationships of mine have ceased to exist.

But mom, you’re wrong.

Love hurts.

It hurts when you’re so full of passion that your heart could practically explode.

It hurts when you get in your first fight.

And love really hurts right about now.