Happily Lost In Any Light

Traditions, history dates, stories, new tastes, new smells, sounds, words, phrases, feelings, memoirs, happiness, sadness, nostalgia, the joy of going home, the fear of going home, are all the things that I experience every single day while living abroad. The adventure I’m living is taking me places I’ve never been to, neither mentally, nor physically.  With only three months left in this beautiful country there is an abundance of thoughts and feelings racing through my mind.

On occasion I look behind at the person I was when I stepped off that plane, five months ago, in a completely new environment, on the crisp morning of the 31st of August and notice all that has changed. I was scared, oblivious to what would come next, afraid of the unknown, and nervous. When I take the time to analyze who I am now, I see someone who has grown immensely, and continues to make countless new discoveries about herself everyday.

I’ve recognized that I no longer need to keep my guard up for what lays ahead of me or behind me. As long as I remember to take a deep breath when confronted with difficulties, keep true to who I am, and set my mind to what I aspire to do, I can and will achieve it. I’ve discovered that the fact of the matter is: I wanted fresh air, a new surrounding, and I attained it all because I ventured outside my comfort zone and took a leap.

This whole Italy gig has done a great amount to my psyche. It’s allowed me to pinpoint my true persona, toss out the clutter I carried which invaded my mind and untie everything that dragged behind me. The new acquired space allows me to trust, gain, and learn in greater quantities.

I feel lighter like there is nothing I can’t do, I can get lost in any light and still sense happiness and peace. Having had a stressful sophomore year due to personal issues at home, this year is acts as a retreat and cleanse.

This year serves for me to let go, enjoy and find myself through learning, new friends and new experiences. I’ve learned from being in Italy that it is completely okay to break down and show what you are feeling. It’s normal and only human to crack and carry a sad face rather than a constant happy one. I’ve learned to allow myself these days. My psyche grows everyday with every single moment.

Although one small thing haunts me as time goes by, how will my psyche change when I return to America? How will I react to the immediate switch? There is a large chance that the quick alteration of setting will disrupt my new psyche I’ve reached while living here. I’ll be forced to face reality and go on with life without the coliseum practically in my backyard. It’s a scary thought but in the end, I will adjust and trudge on with the fond memories of the best nine months of my life.

(Taken and slightly altered from an english essay I was assigned in my english class)

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3 Responses to Happily Lost In Any Light

  1. thebrownguy says:

    Beautifully written, Carolita. Makes me think you should be in the journalism class next year.

  2. Beautifully written Carolita. Makes me think you should be in AP English next year. 🙂 Really I love the phrase “lost in any light.”

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