utterly​ in love

and i’m back to you, like i always am.

i’m sorry i just can’t help it.

you are this perfect person in my life, and the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. and i guess it’s kind of weird for me to say all of this, considering i don’t know you as well as i wish i did, but i’m getting there and i’m so happy.

my eyes light up when i see you, and my smile grows bigger than i ever thought it could.

your name sits in my mind all day, bouncing around as i fantasize about our possible future together. i guess it’s kind of silly, or maybe you find it weird, the thought of me thinking about you all the time, but i care more about you than you know. i always have, and i always will.

that’s the funny thing about love, sometimes it’s sitting right in front of you; all you have to do is reach out and grab it. and, sometimes you do, and others, well, i hope it’s not one of those times. because i think you could learn to love me too.

 

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i’m so utterly in love.

but, it hurts my heart, because i am not sure if you even feel the slightest fraction of what i feel. i’m just hoping you come around.

and even if you don’t, i can still have the thoughts in my mind, about all the amazing, memorable, dream-like, picture-perfect times we could have together.

spending long days together doing whatever we feel like and staring up at the night sky, getting lost in the stars.

god, these thoughts kill me because i want them to be true more than life itself.

but, for the moment, i’m so happy; i’m so so happy and i owe it all to you.

i love you.

and i know it’s summer soon, and we may drift apart but as long as we both hold on tight, i think we will be alright.

Born in the Wrong Era

I often wonder if I’ve been born in the wrong era. Minding the politics and controversy in the older years, I fantasize over the fashion, music, and culture.

The clothes in the nineties, with the bright colored windbreakers, mom jeans, and Converse make me so happy.

In the fifties and sixties, the music was roaring, with soft tones and voices being interluded into the songs.

 

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Many people were so much happier in this time and lived their life without restraints. They were carefree, and went with the flow of everyone else.

Nowadays, life is more constricted with people being obsessed with technology and social media, and not finding the fun in life like people used to.

Social media has taken over the world, and don’t get me wrong, I’m still an addict with it , but if it wasn’t in the world, I wouldn’t care. I’d probably be a lot happier.

Though many people tend to argue, times were in some ways simpler in those days, and I wonder if that is why we keep trying to copy it.

better together

i spend a lot of time thinking about this year and how it’s blown by.

after all these two hundred some odd days i realize that i have lost and gained a lot of friends.

to those of you who are reading this, i love all of you and i never wanted our friendships to end.

but to you, i’m sorry.

i am sorry if i caused us to drift apart, but i miss you and i hope we can be together again.

 

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we always promised we would be friends forever, but i guess not every promise is kept.

we swore we would be friends until the day we died, and would never, ever let anything come between us.

but, it breaks by heart that we aren’t close and i’ve been longing to just talk to you again, just like we used to.

i miss you and i love you.

you may know who you are, and i hope you do, because i’m calling out to you, i’m screaming, you just can’t hear me or maybe you don’t care to listen.

maybe it’s our different opinions on certain things, or maybe it is that we drifted separate ways, but i hope we can find our way back soon.

i remember how we used to be,

we were so close,

and knew everything about each other.

we would laugh and cry together, learn strange dances at midnight, sing our hearts out to songs from our childhood until the sun rose, and just be us.

we used to die to be with each other, and would spend every ounce of time we could together.

but here we are, seperate, and i’m trying to find my way back to you.

you

it’s you.

only you.

you are the one.

and you have no idea.

you are completely oblivious,

i don’t think that thought has ever made an appearance in your mind,

and i don’t think i have either.

but, i wonder if you look both ways when you cross my mind.

i sit and stare, as my heart breaks.

if only you knew it was you.

you don’t really know me, but i hope you soon will,

and i hope you can see i’m right here for you,

waiting, and wishing.

wishing is kind of a loose word,

i’m praying that you’ll notice me,

and notice how utterly in love with you i am,

but maybe if you don’t, it’s not meant to be.

there are some questions, my heart just can’t answer,

like why you, why me, why us

and why is it so hard?

i still have no idea what it is, but i guess i’ll wait and see

because for what i know now,

you are the one for me.

 

Photo Credit: pinterest.com

 

continuing on

i’m stressed.

beyond words, feelings, and emotions.

i feel the whole world watching my next move but every step i take is somehow five steps backward.

i know that if i tell someone it would help me so much, but if i tell someone it will hurt the person i care about most.

this person means so much to me and i don’t want to hurt them in any manner.

but the weight of what they don’t know is closing in on me and it may kill me before they realize.

i can’t allow them to continue because i know that by the end they will be hurt worse than before.

 

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my heart races when it’s brought up and tears grow in my eyes.

i could cry for hours and hours but still no one would notice.

and who could i tell?

i can’t confide in them because it’ll hurt me too much and i can’t confide in anyone else, it’ll just hurt them.

i’m so scared for them, because when the truth is released it will slowly break them, until they are nothing and i am nothing.

if i tell them, i will break as well, they will lose their trust in me just like i have lost it in myself.

how have i gone on this long without breaking is beyond my understanding?

but now i am breaking.

i’m crumbling.

and no one seems to notice.

i’ll be gone and everyone will continue on.

Are We Doing Enough?

Are we doing enough?

Truly, take a moment to think about this, I’m not rushing you. I really want you to think about it.

Have you ever thought about those in other countries who carry barrels of water up to their communities that are engufled in deep or even extreme poverty?

Or have you ever thought about how some parents wake up at four in the morning, dress in their culturally traditional clothes, and walk miles, barefoot, to try and sell their country’s knick-knacks in the hot, crowded streets just to make enough to put the bare minimum amount of food in their children’s mouths?

 

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Well, on the trip that I took to Peru last week there were many of these women, these strong women, who dealt with the hardships of living in poverty, working ruthless jobs, and supporting a family most likely larger than yours.

When people think of Peru, what comes to their mind is almost definitely Machu Picchu, this is what came to my mind too, before I was able to experience what it was really like and how much I had gone my whole life without knowing.

Though the culture and history of every single city in that unique country is beyond stunning, and the intelligence of the Incans in incomprehensible, there is so much more to the country than meets the eye.

The levels of poverty in the city make Peru the third poorest country in South America, as poverty consumes up to a fifth of the country that hosts up to almost 32 million people.

Women sell handicrafts on the street, while men leave their families to work in the mines, in order to help support the ones they love. The houses are made out of makeshift materials all leaning up against each other, and the children bake in the hot sun and swim in puddles when the rainy seasons come, without even a pair of rubber boots to help them.

Though many people struggle to live like this, they are okay. They are happy. Their smiles grace their aged faces as they accept you into their community. The meaning of family extends to anyone in the community, and everyone takes care of each other.

 

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The happiness is far greater than that you see in the United States, with spoiled children presenting their parents with scowls signifying them not receiving the gift they had wanted.

These Peruvians live off of barely enough to get by, but they are happy, while we are here wallowing in our own pity with enough money to share.

So I ask myself, “Why are we not helping them and others in the world?” “Why are we not putting more effort into decreasing the levels of poverty throughout the world?”

I ask myself,

“Are we doing enough?”

prom

the dresses flowed endlessly like water through a river,

curls bounced up and down,

and faces were perfected with more makeup than let on.

i didn’t think this night would end up how it did,

with myself falling more in love with you.

as i stared across the room my eyes landed on you,

sitting with others whom you don’t know quite yet, but you soon will.

you’re not how i though you would be,

you’re different.

but different is good.

i don’t know what it is about you,

your eyes, smile, or personality that captures me every time.

it’s something that makes me stumble over my words and lose track of my thoughts

it’s something that makes me want to know you better,

figure out all the great things about you;

it’s something that is just as special as you.

 

Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

 

him

as my life begins to unfold,

I look to see him standing there,

waiting to see what the future holds.

 

I reach out my hand,

I reach for years,

but suddenly he disappears.

 

will he be there while I fulfill my growth,

or will all I see be the screen font?

oh, I hope I will see us both,

and not just the pure taunt.

 

years pass and we made mistakes,

but, you had left me with the strength it takes,

for I do not know where the answers lie,

maybe beneath the never-ending sky?

 

he is a man of immense kindness that will never minimize,

just as my love for him never dies.

 

Photo Credit: selfishmother.com

 

The Truth About Horseback Riding

When you were little did any of you ever dream of becoming a movie star or professional athlete, but later figured out you can’t amount to either of these things unless you have millions of dollars? And, speaking from experience, the percentage of little girls who dream to own and show a horse in the Olympics is very large, I’d say about 99.9% of them do.

But, later the harsh reality of life kicks in, and the kids, as well as their parents, learn that the cost of showing, owning, and maintaining a horse of that stature is much more than the average American earns a year. Even the cost to purchase this caliber of horse can range from $100,000-millions of dollars. The thing is, the rich-and-famous stereotype is completely true. The cost of showing a horse on the international circuit can exceed $200,000 a year. Riders often will have more than one horse to compete in each of three different classes, which include jumpers, hunters, and equitation.

It’s the epitome of a luxury good.

Alongside that, the classes in which you compete are judged on how nice of a horse you own, even in the walk trot divisions with four-year-old girls and their ponies. The collegiate level, along with the other levels, in horseback riding are judged unfairly because of the imbalance of wealth.

The wealth indifference lights up in the average person’s face saying, “Only the rich make it.”

“No wonder the elite equestriennes gracing this month’s Town & Country are all billionaire princesses.”

The connection between horses and wealth began a millennia ago.

In fact, the first people who were known to commend hierarchies of power and believe variations of wealth were vital to their society were also the first people to own and ride horses.

Picture a movie based in the renaissance period. You can imagine the king riding into the shot on his noble steed, while the peasants walk in on foot; this is because of the imbalance of wealth between the king and his subjects. Now, take the millionaires and billionaires in the world and insert them into the king’s spot, and the rest of the world into the peasant’s spot. The rich have the privilege to trot around on their fancy horses while the rest of us travel in our subpar cars to work and school.

Do you think this is fair?

Horseback riding is a dubious sport when an animal of great value is involved; the person competing in the sport vanishes, showcasing your wealth through the one thing being judged, your horse.

Photo Credit: globalchampionstour.com

In a division known as hunters, the judge is only allowed to judge the horse, and not acknowledge the rider upon its back. Because of this, the wealth difference between riders is highlighted and becomes very clear about who will take the win home.

Amongst the 5,000 horses and 2,800 riders at the equestrian festival near Palm Beach, Florida lies many of the world’s elite. Let’s say you are competing at this festival, and while you’re scrolling through the list of people you are competing against, you come across the last name that rings a bell in many people’s minds: Gates.

Jennifer Gates, also known as Bill Gates’, “the richest man in America,” daughter, is competing in your division. By seeing this name, you automatically know you stand no chance of beating her. Her dad is willing to spend millions of dollars on horses, which many families are not able to do, despite how much they want to.

“The billionaires are funding their daughters through the circuits and through life.”

Jennifer Gates, Charlotte Casiragni, Georgina Bloomberg, and Reed Kessler rise to the top of their divisions, as they prance around on their dreamworthy horses. At 18 years old, Reed Kessler became the youngest rider in show jumping history to ever compete at the Olympic Games. Her parents, being the multimillionaires (possibly billionaires) they are, could afford to buy and pay Reed top of the line horses and trainers.

Imagine a world full of horse shows that don’t judge the horse’s length of stride or merely on the way they look. A world where it is equal; as Thomas Jefferson once said, “All men are created equal.” If this is the rule we are truly supposed to live by, why doesn’t it apply?

We are not judged fairly, we are not given equal opportunities to prove ourselves to the judges, and we are most certainly not all of the same wealth. A new and upcoming way of competing has blossomed from the roots of riding.

It’s called the Interscholastic Equestrian Association or IEA for short. It is a show where all the competitors are taken to a barn and given horses of the same caliber to ride. With all of them being equal, and it not being the rider’s personal horse, the judge is finally only allowed to judge the rider and not the horse. If this becomes as popular as regular horse shows, it would finally give the people of average wealth in the US a chance to enjoy the sport they love.

 

Photo Credit: Chornofhorse.com

 

Well, I guess to wrap up my rant about the unfairness of the various judging techniques, people eventually get adjusted to it and just accept that it will be hard as heck to rise to the top because the wealthy are favored. The wealthy people all around the world maintain control over the scoring; they mostly win and we mostly lose. Sports are supposed to be judged on how much time you dedicate and how much effort you are willing to put in; but instead this, it is based on how much money you’re willing to spend. But in the end, the elite equestrians “may be young, rich, and beautiful, but it takes more than fresh looks and a bank account to ride at the Olympic level.”

Oh! The Places WE’LL Go!

I know that you’re out there… somewhere.

Maybe across the world or right next to me, but I know that we are meant to be.

You are a picture of beauty and everything I envision.

You have a brain beyond your years, and feet in your shoes, so you can go any direction you choose.

You know which path is right and wrong, and you choose whichever one suits you.

We will travel together far and wide, across the country and across the sky, to see the great monuments, people, and things and become closer than we could ever think.

 

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Off to Paris, Japan, Rome, and possibly Wyoming where the buffalo roam. Then let’s jet set to Milan to see fashion week and back to Berlin to have a great feast.

I want to see the world with you beside me and live my life like never before.

We can be like the people in magazines, and never look back.

But we can only travel these places, and go these ways if we live the rest of our days… together.

Oh, the places we’ll go.