I am not Sad

I assumed things I shouldn’t have.

I thought it was a date.

But, I’m not sad it wasn’t.

I am just a little disappointed.


I thought about my outfit for days.

I planned everything out, down to the perfume I was going to wear.

But, I am not sad that I did that all for nothing.

I am just a little disappointed.


Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

We were supposed to drive around and do stupid things in our cars.

Instead, we sat in your truck and watched the sunset, talking for hours.

I am not sad I spent that time with you.

I am just a little disappointed.


The way we talked was not how friends talk.

The things that were said were clearly more than friendly.

But, I am not sad it meant nothing.

I am just a little disappointed.


I blabbered about us hanging out and me having feelings for you.

Then I asked if it was a date and if you were into me and all I heard was you weren’t over your ex.

I am not sad.

I am just a little disappointed.


I know you need time and I understand that, but why did you let me believe that there was something between us?

I am sad that you flirted with me.

I am disappointed that she is still in your head, but I understand.

(I’m calling dibs when you’re ready)



falling in love is like learning to drive.

at first, you stop too often,


and look

left and right 

left and right 

left and right

before easing your way into

the intersection.

you make your first turn;

you drive past another car


you learn how to

drive on your side of the road,

learn the


of your lane.

Photo Credit: pinterest.com

before you know it,

before it hits you,

you’re picking up speed,

forgetting to turn on your signals.

you start to yield less at night,

but hey,

you haven’t hit anyone yet.

now, you have your permit,


your first car.

freeways are nice to speed on

because you like the feeling

of the wind


across your face.

you feel your heart


when you run through your first red.

you drive on,

for years and years

without a crash.

you never stop to



why should you?

it’s only to the store.

i’ve been there so often.

nothing will happen to me.


you forget about the


little stop sign

after that one turn.




you’re done.

no more DMV waits

for those

gosh darn renewals.

you wake up

in a hospital

with bleary eyes and

a broken body.

next time,

if there is one,

make sure to


before you

crash and burn.

remember to love fast,

but stay safe, kid.

Defective Defense?

52 years old, Kimberly Kreis of Santa Barbara has just been sentenced to one year in jail, three years of probation, and 250 hours of community service.

For what?

Killing three youngsters: Danielle Murillo, 17, Brian Lopez, 20, and Jessica Leffew, 17, in April of 2014 in a fatal car crash on the 101 freeway.

Erik August, the driver, had fallen asleep at the wheel, crashing his car with Ms. Murillo, Mr. Lopez, and Ms. Leffew all inside. The car flew into the railing, flipped over, and slid, coming to a stop still on the freeway.

All passengers were unharmed at this point.

Whilst attempting to escape the vehicle, under the influence of alcohol and methamphetamine, Ms. Kreis flew full force into their car.

This killed Ms. Murillo, Mr. Lopez, and Ms. Leffew in a matter of seconds and ultimately put Mr. August in a coma for a month. With serious injuries, he woke to months of physical therapy and mental and emotional pain from this accident for the rest of his life.

Ms.Kreis had a few scratches and walked away from the crash.

Although the already crashed car “could have” been avoided by Ms. Kreis, she had more than the legal limit of blood alcohol content to be operating a vehicle, and was on a high dosage of methamphetamine.

Ms. Kreis has a strong history of drug abuse arrests and charges, multiple DUI’s, and pleaded “not guilty”, but was prosecuted for felony charges of possession of a controlled substance in October of 2013.

The defense attorney claimed there was probably no way she could have avoided the already crashed car sitting on the highway.

This got her sentence reduced astronomically.

Accidents like this get me ticking for weeks.

Was this all Ms. Kreis’ fault?

Could the accident have been avoided?

If Ms. Kreis was not on drugs and had ingested alcohol would she have have hit the stopped car?

Photo Credit: http://www.noozhawk.com

We will never know.


That time you found me on the ground, reaching for my inhaler, you picked me up and tossed me into the car. We drove to the hospital and arrived at 3am, but had to wait until 7am until we could go inside. I struggled with every breath, and with every breath I would think “finally…”

The times I was in a speeding car, watching the door handle, wondering whether or not it would open by some luck of fate. Perhaps the turn would be too sharp, or maybe my dog would jump onto it.

I lived on a tall building all my life. I often liked to look over it and wonder how long I’d feel the pain if I fell down. The window was tall though, and it would be difficult to trip and fall through.

Sometimes I’d walk through my woods. I called it my woods because nobody else bothered to explore it. I saw wolves, bears and mountain lions, but they all ran from me. Why would you run from me? Couldn’t you easily kill me? Wouldn’t you want to?

Old buildings were also fun to explore. The floors were old and rickety, and I often found myself stepping on particularly thin boards hoping to fall through. I was too light, that’s what everyone said, and the boards would creak and moan but I never did fall through.

I kept waiting for accidents. My aim is to disappear off the earth completely with no trace to follow or mourn over.

Guess I’ll have to keep trying.

The Jaguar E Type

The 1961 Jaguar E type is my favorite car of all time.

Its looks feel as though they were forged by the wind flowing over it at high speed. The wheel arches flow over the tires like rapids pass over stones in a river.

The “barely there” bumper looks as though it is trying to hold back the beast that is the E type.

Classic 60s english car design elegance. The whole car seems to be in perfect proportion. From the opening in the front to the taillights. This car exudes beauty more than any car I have ever seen.

Alas, this car was built in the 60s and there have been many advancements in both manufacturing quality and safety. So this beauty was tarnished by the ages. The more “modern” E type, the 1974, was ruined by some of the most atrocious bumpers I have ever seen in my entire life.
A company named Eagle thought that this was a poor way to say goodbye to one of the most gorgeous cars of all time. They chose to modernize the car. Keep the classic look, but revamp what is under the hood. It turned out exactly as I had hoped.

This is near perfection. The bumper was done away with altogether. The car looks smoother than I ever could have thought.

This is a dream come true in vehicular form.

Car Troubles: Run in With the Gardener.


I’m guessing you read disaster and immediately associate the word with an accident. This is exactly what happened and yes it did involve my car and me. By reading this blog you know that I am still alive and I am not in prison, so surely the accident was not that bad. In fact I wouldn’t even call it an accident, maybe just a bump.

Ok now you’re probably wondering what I may have done. No I did not kill anyone, damage anyone or murder a cat. In fact, I just dented a car. Ok, lets be more specific. A truck. Yes my tiny ford fiesta miraculously managed to dent a truck.

So I reversed around the sharp corner of the driveway, guided by the smiling gardener, following his hand signals. My reverse seemed to be going pretty well at this point. Well for me anyway. This is the first time I’d followed hand signals before so I assume that I just followed his lead. Little did I know glimpsing away for one second would mean reversing into his vehicle. Yes I reversed into the gardener’s truck.


You heard me right; I reversed in to a truck while the owner was watching. How embarrassing. And the worst part of it is I see him on a regular basis.

Everyone always seems to be watching the minute I do something wrong. And in this case it was the gardener. As he walked over to his car, the smile now wiped off of his face, I sat dreading the moment he would walk towards me from the accident scene, insurance information in hand. Luckily for me he didn’t.

“Only a little scratch” he said, “Don’t worry about it.”

I may have escaped insurance claims, a dent on my car and death, but I did not escape the shame. These sort of situations always happen to me. At least it wasn’t a lamp post.



Only the buzz of a the car rolling on the freeway.

Above her head, black expanse broken by the single, flickering light of a plane.

That was the first time she ever truly wished she could run, escape. Get out of this stuffy car. Away from all of the stress and pressure. To find Some reprieve, Some momentary peace, Somewhere far away.

If only she could be on that plane that was slowly crossing the night sky. If only she could switch lives with the driver that drove parallel to the car she was in. If she could leave…if. If.

Oh, and how she wanted to SCREAM. It seemed sometimes that was the only way to keep her sanity. To scream. But she could not.

She couldn’t bear telling her father, who was sitting behind the wheel. No, that would break his heart. He didn’t need to know. Nobody needs to know.

So, muffled, in her thoughts, she was screaming. Her eyes silently staring ahead.

Miles to go until she got to her destination.

And miles to go until she could start living her life like she wants to.