I wanna talk to someone, but I’m scared. I have brought it up to a few people, but they’re not the ones I want to talk to. But, I don’t know how to talk to you. I don’t know how to tell you what I’m feeling; I don’t really know what I am even feeling. But, I know it’s dumb. I don’t care if you hang out with your friends, but yesterday was a bad day so it annoyed me more than it ever should have. I don’t care if I see you later on Saturday, I don’t know why it made me upset.
Clearly, Saturday really isn’t the thing that is getting to me. But, I don’t really know what is getting to me. I honestly just miss you and hate how hard it is to see you. Also, I’m starting to develop real feelings, which I have been scared of, and have been trying to stay away from since last year. I don’t want to push you away, but I am scared I am going to subconsciously do that.
I have no clue how to bring this up and actually say this to you and I know my hints are too subtle, but I know you’ve read a couple of my blog posts, so hopefully, you’ll read this and understand it.
Four and a half hours. 270 minutes. 16,200 seconds. For this long period of time, I was sitting on a bus to Williamstown from Boston.
Of course, once I arrived at Williams College, the scene took my breath away. It was so picturesque. Snow encrusting the roofs of the cathedral. The spiral staircase of the nation’s oldest observatory powdered with white. The magnificent grey stone dormitories that rose so high into the cold sky. It was beautiful.
But now, back in sunny California, I am worried.
I am worried that perhaps, this school, although I do want some privacy, is a bit too isolated for me.
This was my dilemma for a good few days. But the more I thought about it, the more confused I was.
But words of wisdom from my cross country coach came to me as I vented my fears. He told me that I had no reason to worry because I hadn’t even gotten accepted yet. Which is true. I was just getting too nervous. If I do get in, that is the time to worry. And besides, he said with a smile, if that’s the worst of my problems, than that’s a pretty good problem to have.
Ah. He is right. I guess it is just in my nature to worry about college. But everything happens for a reason, so if I do get accepted (or don’t) it was meant to be.
But until December 1st, I just need to wait…without worry.