I like to live in my head a lot. My mind is racing constantly with ideas, things to say, ways to approach conflicts, what to wear the next day. But most prominently, I see myself taking several different paths in my life, each of them dramatically different and in each of them, the same me.
I see myself going to New York after school and being an assistant to a high-up, liberal lawyer who defends the rights of the people.
I see myself traveling the world, opening my mind and not settling down until later in my life.
I see myself never coming back to Ojai.
I see myself becoming a cook and writing about my connection to food and the happiness it brings me and others.
I see myself being a complete activist who stands up for social and environmental causes resulting in a better, happier planet.
But I also see myself doing exactly what I currently plan on doing, going to school and becoming educated.
Even though each of these potential futures that I have created for myself are drastically different, there is a common thread, and that’s my happiness. I find myself extremely joyed in each of these positions. I am able to be myself.
I am at a point in my life where, for the first time, I can choose what I want to do in my future without restrictions. Now, taking my life into my own hands is a reality. But I have to ask myself, what am I prepared to do to get to one of these places?
I’ve started this draft several times. I’ve written sentences and sentences only to change them, revise them, and, eventually, just completely eradicate them and end where I started: with nothing. Because every time I try to write about this, I can’t formulate the right words to say. Even though I’ve discovered at OVS that one of my biggest passions is writing, I’m speechless when I try to write about what these last four years meant to me.
When I came to OVS for the first time, I was an awkward freshman. I had no friends, no idea what I was doing, and no idea who I was or who I wanted to be.
The four years to follow threw me in for a loop of highs and lows in self development, friendships, and life. Now I have just a couple days until the craziest, most amazing four years of my life come to an end. Every year at this time, I had a strong desire for the days to end as quickly as possible so I could enjoy my summer break. This time, I’m scared for the inevitable last day of school to come. I’m holding on to every last second I can.
I’ve been to three graduations here. Every single one making me sadder than the rest, but there was always happiness in my heart when I’d hug my friends goodbye for the summer, especially because I knew I’d see them again. On May 31st, I’ll hug all my friends, but, when fall rolls around, I won’t see them again on the hill that’s been my second home for the past four years. We’ll all be scattered across the country taking on different cities and pursuing different passions. We won’t see each other at breakfast every morning or at the barn at the end of every day. We’ll see each other through FaceTime calls and at reunions during our holiday breaks. I’m bound to cry at graduation because of it all.
I’m happy we’re all going to colleges we want to go to and I know that these friends are the ones I’ll have for life. But the realization that this is our last week as high schoolers together is still sending a wave of shock over me that I’ve been drowning in the past couple weeks.
I’m horrified for what the future holds, but, at the same time, I feel so ready. Four years ago, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be ready for college and eight years ago I didn’t have any faith that I would even be going to college. Now, I’m excited to walk into the unknown and I have OVS to thank for it all:
For being a school that’s given me the opportunity to branch out and try everything I could ever want to try. I didn’t have to stick to one niche. I got to be a risk-taking athlete, an unfiltered writer, a confident leader, and everything in between.
The equestrian program for giving me a horse I love more than myself. For giving me a place I’ve made my best friends.
The camping trips where I went running through the Yosemite forests at night time with no flashlight and rode the bull of the raft while river rafting on the Kern trip. For making me push my limits and having them turn out to be the most rewarding moments of my life. For making me realize I love camping even though I hate going days without showering.
For my AP Spanish class making me fall in love with the language all over again and decide to study abroad in Spain instead of France. Law/Gov class that furthered my excitement to move to D.C. to study politics and intern on Capitol Hill. Especially for my journalism class that provided a source of gossip, a place to rant, and an endless supply of snacks, but more importantly, it has given me an outlet to explore writing and inspire me to pursue it in college.
Thank you for everything. For the good, the bad, and everything in between. No words could say it all.
I’m not gonna lie and say this school is perfect. There’s so much I’ve complained about and so many things I would change. But if I’m going to be honest, it was perfect for me. It was the place I needed for the kind of person I was to become who I am today. I had no idea what my purpose was or what my passions were and, while I’m still on a road of self-discovery, OVS put me on the right path.
What do I hope to find over the rainbow?
Of course a perfect me, I think. That would be a beautiful girl with a charming smile and melodious voice. She would have everything and be successful at everything she does.
Right in front of me there is a vast rainbow stretching into infinity.
After open the red door with all of my curiosity, the orange river appears and runs eagerly by my side. I follow the river into the splendid yellow. The green leaves swing and wave to me as I pass them. Then the raindrops fall, the sky turns into an endless gloomy shield. The storm starts to howl, carrying blue dust. I look into the gloomy shadow and move forward into another unknown. I move slowly but firmly. I will not change my direction until I find out what is waiting for me over the rainbow. As I am picturing all the possibilities, suddenly a streak of indigo lighting breaks the silence. The snowflakes spin and sway from the violet sky, dancing with dulcet music.
Suddenly I realize something. The rainbow is just like life. There will be pleasure filled with bright colors, and there will also be gloomy moments filled with challenges and difficulties.
Finally I reach the end of the rainbow. Unfortunately, there is nothing but a mirror in front of me. With disappointment I walk closer to meet the girl in the mirror, who looks exactly like me without anything special. She is not that perfect self I had hoped to find after all. I look into the mirror and observe the girl more carefully. Something has changed about her. Her face is more confident and she seems stronger. The girl is me; a new person after the rainbow journey. She is the person who has just enjoyed the beauty and conquered all the hardships; she is the person I want to be.
I look back at the rainbow, from which I discovered my own identity. I bid a thankful farewell to the journey, from which I learned to know not a perfect but a real self.
Suddenly I realize something. I will smile at the person in the mirror.
Yes, this is what I hope to find over the rainbow – a true me.
I don’t know if it’s my personality or if it’s just the culture that I was brought up in but I always struggle to put myself out there and to meet new people. I’ve been forced to do it some many times, changing schools and immigrating to California, but still every time it’s a challenge.
It’s not that I struggle to talk. It’s just that I’m not outgoing or confident and this has really been highlighted in college situations. Although I’ll always put on the tough, brave act and get tasks done, underneath I am so fearful.
I want to meet and get to know new people but the inherent fear that they wont like often makes me restrain in many situations.
I have a common problem: I care too much about what other people think of me. Rather than putting all of me out there to get to know others I worry about all the things I will loose. In the past this has changed me, loosing myself behind: materialistic goods, clothing and friends, but now I want to go into college as me.
I guess it just takes time but from now on I am going to try and take braver, honest steps and see where these take me on my journey.
And she is making her way up my favorites list again with the tv show, Samantha Who?
I started watching this show just recently and I fell in love with it.
The story begins in a hospital. Samantha Newly, Christina Applegate’s character, has just woken up from an 8-day coma after being hit by a car. She suffers retrograde amnesia meaning she cannot recall memories from a certain time period before the accident. In the few episodes that I have watched, Samantha is on a backwards journey trying to find out who she was and changing herself for the better.
I absolutely love it.
Here’s a starter video that will give you a good summary of what it’s about:
And here is a scene from the Anchorman-a bit random but something funny!