Pressure of Life

Life is hard. Life is not fair. Life has many ups and downs, especially growing up.

Once you reach a certain age, responsibilities pile up and you are expected to become more self-reliant. The teenage years are rough- balancing school, friendships, and family life. Then add the prospects of mental health and relationships.

Mental health is really important and life could take a toll on one’s mental health. Anxiety due to school and other things. Depression or sadness due to life and the tolls that life brings onto someone.

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Relationships, friendships, and romantic relationships are really hard to navigate during the teenage years. Finding a connection that works is hard, and is really important to keep one sane.

School is very stressful. Teachers and parents put pressure on students and kids to do well in school, so they can do well in life. Students and kids also put pressure on themselves to get into great colleges.

Life is full of ups and downs, full of scary and fun moments.


So I found myself looking deep in the eyes of a green eyed boy with dark hair and an illuminating smile and felt the corners of my moth turn upwards on their own.

What is this feeling? I tend to know what feelings rush through my body, but this human has created a new, different, unusual feeling. There is no sort of nervous fear or butterflies, there is just this comfortable glow surrounding the green eyed boy.

Am I finding myself falling…?

Falling for what you ask? Well simply put, I do not know. The only thing I can relate to the feeling of the green eyed boy is falling.

It is not a bad sort of falling, but rather a floating or soaring, but weightless none the less.

I think I am okay with this new feeling entering my body, but I am still very perplexed by the unknown sense that looking into the green eyes of the boy with the dark brown hair and illuminating smile brings to me.

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stars in tyler’s toes

tyler died the other week 

and in his death I was forced to remember him

stuck uncomfortably askew into my otherwise sweetly lapsing childhood

the odd cold memory next to geraniums and my dads’ warm hands:

it hadn’t rained in weeks but it would tomorrow

tyler and his friends tore down the highway

the truck old 

the boys young 

and the night infinite

four teenagers careening through space

running out of time

(twinkling like stars, the holes in the bottom of his truck shone into the cab. Twinkling not like natural light, but like reflections from yellow road reflectors and moonshine)

then as Murphy knowingly frowned

the teenagers plunged abruptly into the darkness

two flew through the night and landed bloody on the highway

but he and his passenger tumbled endlessly into that indiscriminate abyss

and someone I hadn’t thought about in years came crashing back into my life

(and those stars that lined his bare calloused toes erupted into vivid supernovas)


tyler and I were friends when i was very young. he lived in Kauai and i would visit every so often. he was a terrible influence; he would steal stupid things, and i would watch. sometimes tyler took me fishing. he would torment the fishes by cutting off their fins and sending them back to the water to die bloody but breathing. and i would watch. he told me fish don’t feel pain, but i saw that he did. he grew up between houses, neither one was particularly welcoming. he grew up never believing he had a chance. one day he was watching his younger sister, and i remember sitting where the tide leaves sandy pools on the beach. she splashed and screamed while he delicately folded her clothes placing them carefully on a log. I watched him pull a shirt over her wet sandy head and I saw how precarious tyler’s life was. he couldn’t have been more than twelve.

it barely hurts to imagine him flying down the road drunkenly focused, it doesn’t pain me to imagine his dark brown eyes, and not even the dead teenagers trapped in a combusting coffin bring me to tears

but that little girl

Four Letters

Love is just a four letter word thrown around like a feather.

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I used to throw it around without a care because, to me, it was just a word.  At least, that’s what I told myself.

Then, one day, I fell in love.

It was the strongest emotion I had ever felt.  It was like when you’re a kid and you got to sleepover at your best friend’s house on a school night.  I felt like I was flying.  Nothing could ever break me down.

Then, he ripped me to shreds.  He tore my heart out and stomped on it without ever looking back.

That four letter word lifted me higher than I had ever been.  Then, tore me down faster than I fell for his lies.  It was the strongest emotion I had ever felt.  Then, I felt the aftermath of it: heartbreak.

Now, I wonder how anyone could ever say that word in the first place.

Love is not just a four letter word.

New Year, New Teen Vogue

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In an interview done by Fox News, Teen Vogue writer Lauren Duca’s authorial legitimacy was questioned. She was asked to be interviewed after writing a piece on Donald Trump back in December 2016. So, as one would assume, she thought they would ask her about the article. Instead, they went on for ten minutes about how, as a fashion writer, she was unable to accurately write about politics.

This kind of blatant sexism is found in many places in journalism and is becoming commonplace with female journalists. The fact that a respected news organization like Fox News could let an interview like that air is beyond me. This incident didn’t just spark unrest for Miss Duca, but for journalists like her. Why is it that because a woman writes about fashion, makeup, or hair, she is incapable of writing about more serious things like politics or other current events?

This false predisposition is just what Teen Vogue sought to disprove in the newest edition of their magazine. Wrapped in a tall collectible format, hundreds of ideas were displayed to their many, avid readers. From the profound significance of the Academy-Award winning movie, Moonlight, to one man’s relationship with makeup, this magazine tackles a wide variety of ideas.

After reading this volume on my flight back to Los Angeles, I was blown away by the passion some of these authors wrote with in their articles and the stereotypes of a “teen magazine” that were totally disregarded. I read interviews of celebrities, such as Troye Sivan and Lena Dunham, done by people close to them. They were laced with a feeling of comfort, something you couldn’t find with a typical interview. I learned of the uplifting story of a Syrian girl finding a new life and love after fleeing her war-stricken country. I read stories of all different kinds of love: sisterly love, pet-owner love, love of fashion, and self-love. This volume talked about consent, masturbation, sexuality, and other essential lessons not always found in the sex-ed taught in high schools. The photoshoots showed candid smiles, unique fashion, and people of all races and sexualities.

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In the future, it is my hope that more magazines will follow suit. Continuing to write about fashion and makeup, but also about things that matter outside of that realm, will further enrich the knowledge of many. It is important to hear voices from many walks of life, as representation is the first step to feeling empowered.

Perpetual Addiction

A constant fight between adults and teenagers is the apparent crisis of technology, and the misconception that teenagers are addicted.

Yes, teenagers use technology a lot. But so do adults! Even if teenagers use it in the form of social media and adults to check email, both are online. Plain and simple.

Another misconception is that the current teenage generation is the first ever to be antisocial. Before we were on our phones, other generations were just as invested in reading books or newspapers, or listening to the radio. Heck, this could go all the way back to knitting by the fire or crocheting a new hat!

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Honestly, the current generation is probably more social than the last, since phones enable us to talk to others and stay connected.

Basically, to say that our generation is the first to be antisocial is entirely false. People have been antisocial, or invested in a certain belonging for as long as people have been on earth!

It’s human nature, people.

As times change, belongings and interests change with them. What’s important, however, is that awareness remains constant.

News Flash

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Young kids are taught this daily. Where did that principle go?

Pop-culture instills a competitive state of mind into children all day, everyday. How do we, as a society, expect for the next generation to come out any differently if we are all stuck in the same cycle?

This cycle may be better known as the idea that lowering somebody’s self esteem somehow makes yours grow.

While this topic may be more prevalent for girls, boys have it just as rough. We’re all just in the rat race to be better than the next. We all are too stuck in the idea that taking someone down raises you higher. News Flash! No matter how much you thrash somebody else’s reputation, yours does not rise.

I dare you reader – I dare you to give a sincere compliment to three people in the next 24 hours. What does that take out of your day? Maybe 5 minutes in total. But to them, that will probably make their day.

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Not to be Taken Lightly

credit to ebay for the photo
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Isn’t it weird how you can think yourself into a bad mood? You can spend all day talking about happy things, and putting off a “put together” front. But in reality, the way that you talk to yourself when you’re all alone is what counts.

People are on medication to get out of the very real and dark place that depression is. And on websites like Tumblrevery other post seems to be about how depression is cool and interesting. I think that as a society we should focus more of our attention on things that grow us as humans. Depression is a very real thing, not a trend.

As someone who has had the fortune of never being in that dark of a place, I sympathize with people who are, or have been. I think that these days depression is a trend. Why is that? Why are teenagers trying to act in a way that a lot of adults spend years trying to fix?

Woman,(Do they always talk and drive?)
Driving. Some regard it as one of the most dangerous activities a person could do. Regardless of your opinion it is no surprise to hear that most car accident involve adolescents . The two primary reasons are drunk driving and texting while driving. Texting while driving has become a serious issues in the past couple years. Many states(including California) have taken measures to stop texting deaths. Several states now have a law banning phone use while driving.

On a semi sexist note studies show that teen female drivers are more likely to get into an accident then their male counterparts. This is do to the fact that female teens are more likely to be on a phone at any given time, even while driving. It would seem that the age old saying women can’t drive is true, at least in a certain age group.

I’m an adult: this means I’m better than you.

As an adolescent I find myself continually being treated like a ‘kid.’ I’m 17, I can drive, make my own decisions, and yes I can dress myself. Yet to some adults they still feel that they are entitled to belittle and undermine me, all because of my age.

I’m independently applying for college and planning my life, an important future decision, yet according to some this is just not enough. I’m beginning to wonder when I will be respected as an adult.

In my eyes I reached my adulthood and gained my independence many years ago, but this is not the case in California. In England, at the age of 16 you are seen as an adult being charged higher fares. I guess age means different things in different countries and cultures. It seems that  in America you reach adulthood at the age of 18.

Some people still believe that with age comes great wisdom, but in my eyes I’m pretty wise already. I guess I will only find out these things with age, but for now I shall just enjoy being a teenager and hope for a little more respect.