- The Gerber Brand baby: I’m beating the stuffing out of him. Dude simply stands no chance against me; I am SIX FOOT, 180 Gerber baby is probably 2’9” maybe 45 pounds. So there is absolutely no chance for him.
- Caillou: Dude is a four year old toddler that’s bald. I easily have 100+ pounds on him and probably a foot or two as well. Basically dudes got no chance \_(‘-‘)_/
- Maggie Simpson: She stands no chance; like do you really think Maggie Simpson can beat me (A SIX FOOT disturbance to democracy) like c’mon really. Maggie doesn’t has a shot.
- Russell from UP: Russell is defiantly a nice, goodhearted kid but he’s not beating me in any sort of physical interaction. I would feel awful after beating the kid’s ass in a fight.
- Any one of the Minions: Now a purple Minions would put up a good fight but a regular ole yellow Minion stands no chance. A Minion is half my size and softer than toilet paper, they have small arms and hands so it’s not landing a punch on me. I would rank a Minion a spot higher but they’re designed and created in lab so you never know what could happen.
I’m going to a Glass Animals concert soon because they’re my favorite band, so here are my favorite Glass Animals songs. They’re a great band, and if you don’t know them you should definitely listen to them.
Content warning: talk of drugs, self-destructive behavior, mental illness, suicide, sex, pedophilia, and other mature themes
Also a disclaimer- my favorite album by them is How To Be A Human Being so most of these will be from that album. This album explores the stories of 11 characters (some based on real people) in the 11 songs on the track. The album cover shows every person who’s story is told. The album is seriously amazing, both sound-wise and because of the story behind it.
Number 5- Agnes from How To Be A Human Being
Agnes is such a beautiful and bittersweet song that I can’t help but put it in my top five. The song is about a woman named Agnes who is struggling to cope with addiction and mental health issues. It is told from the perspective of someone who is presumably very close with her. It’s a meaningful song for people who have watched a friend – or even themselves – be lost to their self-destructive tendencies. The song ends with the narrator implying that Agnes has committed suicide, which is fitting because it’s the last song on the album.
Lines from the song that hit especially hard are, “I want to hold you like you’re mine,” and, “You’re gone but you’re on my mind; I’m lost but I don’t know why.” The first line implies that the narrator might be in love with Agnes but never got the chance to act on his feelings because she killed herself. The second line makes the concept of suicide feel more real for people who have never had someone close to them commit suicide or attempt to. It also gives perspective for suicidal people that people care about them and they have so much to live for.
The narrator of Agnes is pictured in the center of the album cover on all three covers. He is either holding a camera up over his face, looking straight ahead, or holding his hands over his face. He faces forward in each album cover whereas every other character has their back turned on one version of the cover.
Number 4- Poplar St from How To Be A Human Being
Poplar St is told from the perspective of a boy who lived on the street the song is named after. He starts off talking about his childhood living on Poplar St and how he would climb trees and scrape his knees. He mentions that he saw a woman named Mrs. Moore having sex with one of his other neighbors. Since she uses the prefix “Mrs.” it’s likely that Mrs. Moore was having an affair.
In the next verse, the narrator says that his mom never liked Mrs. Moore and thought she looked like a prostitute because of the clothes and makeup she wore. It’s assumed that the narrator has aged and hit puberty because he then says that Mrs. Moore seduced him and brought him to her house to have sex with him. This reveals the true nature of Mrs. Moore that was hinted at in the first verse. She’s a predatory woman who uses men – or even teenage boys – for sex.
The first line of the chorus makes sense now- “I feel like a new man.” The narrator is only a teenager, but he feels like a mature because he has a relationship with an adult woman. He is driven by hormones and doesn’t realize that what he is doing is completely wrong.
In the last verse, he says, “Just another boy who lived on Poplar St; tangled up in lust and her exotic needs.” He isn’t the only teenager who was a victim of Mrs. Moore’s pedophillic actions. He then says that Mrs. Moore called collect (which is charging the calling fee to the person who you call, so he had to pay the fee) and broke up with him over the phone.
Mrs. Moore is on the right side of every album cover. She wears a white dress and sometimes sunglasses.
Number 3- Heat Waves from Dreamland
Heat Waves has been Glass Animals’ top hit since it came out, and for good reason. It’s a great song that has addictive sounds and meaningful lyrics. It’s stated by the band on the storyline feature of Spotify that the song is about noticing that you’ve changed from who you used to be and that an important relationship in your life has been ruined by who you’ve become. This hits home for me because I’ve definitely had points where I realize that I’m a different person and that I can’t go back to what used to be. I’ve also seen it happen to my close friends where they drift away because they’ve become someone who isn’t compatible with me.
The line “Sometimes all I think about is you” makes me think about myself before my ADHD started to really impact my life. Everything got harder around the time I hit puberty because of the new mix of hormones interacting with my ADHD. Sometimes I think about where I would be if I didn’t have ADHD, but then I realize that I am who I am because of my ADHD. My favorite things come from my hyperfixations, my personality from my symptoms, and my mannerisms from mimicking the people around me. It’s a lot to deal with sometimes, and I feel like this song encapsulates my own struggle even if it’s not specifically about my situation.
Number 2- The Other Side Of Paradise from How To Be A Human Being
This song is my favorite solely because of the music behind the lyrics. It’s mentally stimulating to listen to, especially with the volume all the way up and the bass boosted. It’s catchy, fun, and kinda gives me an adrenaline rush if I’m being honest. The story behind it is cool too, but honestly the instrumental is my favorite part of it.
The Other Side Of Paradise was their top hit before Heat Waves came out. It was definitely my favorite song by them at one point. I love to listen to it when I’m writing fighting scenes because I think of choreography while listening to the song and then translate it into words.
The story of the song is about a man who leaves his girlfriend to become a professional basketball player and ends up becoming a totally different person than the person she had been dating. The girlfriend is the narrator. The character of the basketball player is pictured in the center behind everyone else. He is either spinning a basketball on his finger or holding the basketball in every cover.
Number 1- Season 2 Episode 3 from How To Be A Human Being
This was actually the song that got me into the band. I heard it on TikTok and immediately searched the lyrics to figure out what song it was. I listened to it alone for a few months, then decided to check out the other songs in the album. The rest is history.
This is another song that I love because of the music. Glass Animals has great percussion in all of their songs, but this one definitely is the best. The vocals are super good too, though.
The story is about a girl who’s has a marijuana addiction. It’s told by someone who is presumably her partner. They talk about how she can’t seem to get off the couch, is always high, and isn’t prioritizing their relationship anymore. They say, “So it hurts to say it’s hopeless; and we ain’t gonna make it.” Her partner is planning on leaving her because of her dependency on marijuana to get through the day and inability to live without it. It’s a message about the ways drugs can change people for the worse, like a few other songs on the album.
The girl being described in the song is in the bottom left corner of the album cover. She wears a blue sweater and has a small gaming device in every cover, which is a reference to the style of the music video.
Those are my favorite Glass Animals songs. It was hard to choose rankings for them. I’m really excited to see them live.
Update from after I saw the concert: it was SO GOOD. They’re amazing in person and so passionate about what they do. I love Dave so much.