Suffocated

I knew you before, but we had never talked. I knew of you.

It was just recently that I met you. When you looked at me, I blushed. I felt something I couldn’t describe.

You had my number from a while back and you texted me that night… You told me how we had this connection that was rare and beautiful.

You said that you wanted to get to know me better. I said I wanted to too.

I had heard bad things about you, but I didn’t believe it. And in the end, it wasn’t you who was at fault, it was me.

You made me feel special, loved, happy.

We talked for hours. I told you my insecurities, you told me your secrets too.

But, apparently, I scared you off.

I remember saying “I’m scared that if you get to know me, you won’t like me anymore.”

You promised that would never happen, that I could never scare you away.

Well, you lied. In less than a day, you got distant. I got scared; I reached out.

You went from saying things that made me feel adored, to saying nothing at all.

I couldn’t stand it, I knew I should have let you be, but I couldn’t.

“Do you still like me?” I asked.

“Yes, but your feelings are kind of suffocating right now,” he replied.

“I’m sorry, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Thank you,” you said.

Suffocating…

You had told me you wanted something that would last, you told me to be clingy, you told me you wanted to be with me for a long time,

Yet in two days of talking, you call me suffocating.

How can you say you still like me but you want me to leave you alone?

How can you have said that I was the perfect girl for you, then turn me away the next day?

I’m suffocating…

It’s hard to breathe the absence of love. It’s not that I loved you, I guess I just loved the thought of you. I thought you were perfect.

“Love’s like oxygen. You get too much you get to high, not enough and you’re going to die.”

You built me up, maybe it was part of your manipulating trick. You built me up so much, made me feel so special, then stripped it all away.

We’ve only known each other for three days, it’s almost impressive how you manage to hurt me this bad.

I can’t breathe, I feel empty.

Like a void, a wound, a puncture in my chest.

I’m gasping for air, yet I’m still suffocating.

Photo Credit: pinterest.com

They warned me about you, told me how your kindness was just a way of manipulating me into getting what you wanted.

But the sad part is, I went a long with it, I feel so hard for you that I would have given you what you wanted.

I’ve cried, I’ve stayed in bed for almost a day… all of this for you. My spirit builds up so high when I get a notification on my phone. Maybe it’s you. It never is.

You broke me.

And yet you say you’re the one suffocating.

But at the root of it all, it’s not you at fault.

You gave me a chance; I blew it.

I came on too strong maybe? I tried to talk to you too much maybe?

I’m sorry I made you feel suffocated.

If only I could have been better. If only I could be better.

Maybe then someone will love me.

Until then,

I’m just here

suffocating.

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“Clear” Sky

Three weeks ago, when my plane landed on the ground, I was totally shocked about the view outside the window, because I could see nothing but hazy and foggy air.

I heard about the haze in my city before I left school, but I did not expect the situation to be such serious.

It made me sad somehow. There is not more bright sun or shiny stars. Tall buildings could only be seen partially. Everyone was wearing mouth masks. It became hard to catch a taxi because you could not see the cars clearly enough.

People were living in an unclear and gloomy world. And I missed my city – the clean, lively place.

Thick layers of haze that have been choking lots of cities in China recently. Haze is traditionally an atmospheric phenomenon where dust, smoke and other dry particles obscure the clarity of the sky. Sources for haze particles include farming (ploughing in dry weather), traffic, industry, and wildfires. Industrial pollution can also result in dense haze, which is known as smog.

Big cities such as Beijing, Shanghai, Zhejiang, Tianjin, Xi’An were all victims, which led to issues including flight delaying, diseases and inconvenience of people’s daily lives.

The good news was that the air became much clearer than the day I arrived but I still saw a different city.

I don’t know what is going on nowadays with the environment.
I just want my city and the clear sky back.

Need to Skate

Seeing as the hockey season has been over for about a month or so I haven’t been on the ice as much.

The season just started this past Thursday, but sadly I had to bench myself and sit in bed at home sick.

Tomorrow night is the 2nd game of the season and I am ecstatic about lacing up the skates and going out to play hockey.

I honestly have not skated as much as I should have in this off season, but hey I can’t be perfect.

What I really need is to find time to start lifting in the gym again, but I have no idea where that is going to fit in.

This season is going to be the one, I feel it.

Last season brought some new faces to Team USA, myself included, but this season we have all worked together and we know what we are walking into.

It is time to get down to business and change the face of Team USA.

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Rain Rain, Please Don’t Go Away

It finally rained the other day .

After having so many hot days, I was really ready for the weather to cool down, and to let the water fall from the sky.

There was talk of rain over last weekend weekend, and in the beginning of the week, and I was skeptical that it would actually happen.

There was between a 20-40 percent chance, but with less than 50% chance, the earth still made it happen.

Thursday started off clear and I was worried that this one rainy day was going to be just a cold day, where I was looking to the sky hoping for rain.

Soon enough it began to rain a little after noon.

I was standing outside and felt a light drizzle.

I returned back indoors and just as the door shut behind me, it is as if the skies opened and the heavens rained down upon the ground.

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