That Time of the Year

It’s that time of the year again! High school seniors all over the country are in the midst of getting their long-awaited college acceptances and those dreaded denials, getting excited about their future and freaking out about tuitions. The only difference is that, this year, I am one of them.

Photo Credit: blog.winuall.com

I remember when I was a sophomore and I watched my roommate, a senior at the time, go through all that stress and she said something along the lines of “believe me, all this will sneak up on you sooner than you’d think.” I thought to myself: that’s what they always say, I’ll have time. Two years are a long time. But, hell, I was wrong!

Now it’s that time of the year and now I am the one pathetically refreshing my email and checking my mail box, hoping to be admitted into at least a safe school. I’ve gotten into two schools so far, but neither of them are my top choice. I don’t even have a top choice anymore, to be honest. I have no idea what country I even want to be in, let alone what school I want to spend my next four years at!

No matter what choice, I’ll be fine (probably). Nevertheless, wish me luck!

 

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Say Yes to The Dress

Last night, my best friend came over to my house to help me pick out what dress to wear for homecoming. I tried them on and got her feedback. Here’s what she had to say:

Dress One:

“You look like a disco ball.”

Dress Two:

“You look like a grandma.”

Photo Credit: tipsyelves.com

 

Dress Three:

“Take that off now, please.”

Dress Four:

“You still look like a grandma.”

Dress Five:

“Why did you even order that?”

Dress Six:

“You look like a hooker who’s going to a funeral for your hooker friend who died hooking up.”

Homecoming is in four days. The dress hunt continues.

Waves

I walk across the beach, the warm sand sifting beneath my feet. The soles of my feet burn as each sun-tinted grain touches my skin. I curl up my feet, feeling the sand between each of my toes. I take a deep breath of the salty air and look up toward the sun, closing my eyes, letting the sun’s rays wash over my skin.

(Photo Credit: atlantisbahamas.com)

I walk toward the water, the sand growing cooler and spongier under my feet. I stop, letting my feet sink into the wet sand. I relax and let my weight fall, seeing how far down I can go.

I take another step forward and dip my big toe in the water. The salt is tingly on my skin, and I ease my foot in. The water is cold, but refreshing. I take another step. I ease in to my ankles, then my knees, then my waist. I stand in the water, feeling the current course throughout my body.

I take another step. The water is up to my neck. The waves crash over me, pushing me down. I am completely submerged. I try to swim to the surface, but I can’t tell which way is up. The water is colder now, too cold, and the salt is stinging my skin. I am tossed around as the violent, churning water surrounds me. My eyes burn as I search for light.

I am caught in a vortex of water, spinning around and around, unable to break free. The waves are choppy and the water is cold – the warm, soft sand only a memory from the past. Seconds feel like minutes as I continue to struggle against the water that holds me prisoner. The once clear, gentle, welcoming water has turned dark and cold. It pulls me toward its depths, holding me tight in its grasp.

(Photo Credit: brigadewakesurfing.com)

I am starting to run out of air. Lights flicker behind my eyelids as my lungs flutter from deprivation. I can’t breathe – I am being suffocated. I toss and turn as the water pulls me down, down, deeper, deeper.

I can just make out the bottom in the distance – a faint line of dark, jagged rocks. I am afraid of striking them, and I struggle even harder. I can see a light now, but I don’t know where it’s from. It could be the surface, or the light dancing behind my eyes. The light flickers, taunting me. Still bound by the waves, I struggle to move toward it. I’m afraid to get too close. I don’t know what the light means. I don’t know if it’s coming from the surface, or if it’s something far worse – I don’t want to go the wrong way.

I am beginning to lose consciousness. My vision is going blurry, the edges are starting to go dark. The waves are enveloping me, suffocating me, before I have time to choose. I have no strength left, and no more power to fight.

I force my eyes open and struggle to remove myself from the water’s grasp. I can’t move. The waves control me, pulling me down, down, down. I hit the rocks and the light is gone. I couldn’t decide.

Time Flies

I now understand what people meant by “enjoy being young, time flies.” I feel like my childhood has raced past me and I am at the end of it, looking back, wishing for more time. I just turned 18 and while I am technically and adult is still feel like a kid. The number doesn’t mean anything. I feel like a kid who is being told to act like an adult.

I feel like I’m not yet ready to make the decisions that I’m expected to make. Deciding where I will go in my future, if I will be able to afford it, where I will be living, and what I will be doing with the rest of my life.

I just want to go back to those endless days of summer vacations where the only concern on your mind is making it home in time to catch your favorite TV show.

 

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Obsession

T-9 hours until I receive a decision from my second choice school.

For the past week, I have been constantly contemplating my academic strengths and weaknesses, calculating my chances at these schools… as if I have a chance at predicting the decisions I will receive.

I have never wanted anything more than to be accepted to these institutions.

My top two school choices for the past few years have been the University of Southern California and Occidental College.

I would be happy at either college, however, my chances of getting into either school are slim.

In comparison to other students that applied to Occidental, I am just slightly below average, GPA and SAT wise.

In comparison to other students who applied to USC, I am sub-par, with my GPA and SAT scores falling quite far below their average accepted student.

I keep trying to envision myself at another school, but simply cannot.

I want Oxy and USC so badly it hurts. My stomach has been in knots for days, and until 5:00 pm this evening, I will not feel relief.

I know this feeling is normal, but that does not affect my level of anxiety. I remain eager, waiting impatiently.

Good luck to all of the high school seniors waiting to hear from their favorite schools, you will end up wherever you are supposed to.

Photo Credit to: michelleshaeffer.com

 

 

Just F–k ’em.

It’s funny how someone can completely change your view on something by simply uttering a phrase. It’s funny how you can be hell-bent on doing something that you are blinded to the faults of your plan. You want to runaway from a place that makes you happy just because a few things went wrong, and you close your eyes to the bad things about the place you’re running to.

But there is no such thing as a perfect place. There is nowhere you could possibly go to escape everything bad. There is no running away from mean people and unhappy situations. They follow you forever.

But even though they will follow you, you don’t have to let them make you sad, or angry, or feel like you don’t belong. Even when they try to tear you down at the very seams, try to break every thing that is you, they can’t get to you. Because the people who make others miserable are only doing so so they don’t feel as bad about themselves. Because the people who are cruel and border-line evil don’t deserve your tears, they deserve your pity.

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