decomposition

she rots from the inside out

invisible save the yellow in her sunken eyes

she knows more than I ever thought she could

of suffering 

of loss

and like a gnawing in my gut

the unmistakable stench of raw human 

bubbling to the surface

a fetid mess of spoiled hope

the decomposing children

the putrid flowers in a gaudy crystal vase

with glossy eyes

she grips at the double-stitched seam

the edges of her perishing world

casting into the pit

only to reel in rancor

then with bitterness and spite

she reaches into my throat

her bubbling skin

her gold plated wedding band

and she rips from its moorings 

a part of me

cold and clean

(that night I washed my hands with crude oil)

https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/04/human-decomposition-in-japanese-artwork.html

18

Tomorrow is the day I turn 18 and I am definitely not where I thought I would be. I’ve had my heart torn out and served on a silver platter, I’ve lost many loved ones, and I’ve seen things I never thought I would. But, I’ve also fallen in love, felt the magic of life, and, most of all, I’ve lived.  I’ve lived through many things and experienced many things, so here’s a list of 18 things I have done:

  1. I learned to love myself no matter what anyone else thinks.
  2. I learned to drive.
  3. I got my first car and learned how to drive stick in it.
  4. I fell in love with cars.
  5. I registered to vote for November 6th.

    Photo Credit: Pinterest.com
  6. I have scheduled a tattoo appointment.
  7. I have fallen in love for the first time.
  8. I have traveled to many different continents.
  9. I have started applying to colleges.
  10. I have seen how life doesn’t stop for anyone.
  11. I learned to not take myself too seriously.
  12. I have learned life is short and is over in the blink of an eye.
  13. I have learned that I can have different beliefs than the people who raised me.
  14. I learned that the person you call your best friend isn’t always the best friend for you.
  15. I have learned how to stand my ground.
  16. I have learned some friends come and go.
  17. I have learned some people are in my life to teach me a lesson and then leave me.
  18. I discovered who I want to be and what I want to do with my life.

There are many things I have learned and experienced, but my favorite has been falling in love, getting my heart broken, finding myself, and becoming the best version of myself.

Nightmare

It’s a horse. Can you guess what colors plague their minds the most? It’s black. The dark color that overpowers all, that can swallow up anything lighter that dares to power through.

This horse is all black, smoking, shimmering, not hidden like Conscience but not sharp like Shadow. Her socks are grey, her hooves pulse, she plods along, following me, aiding me. Her name is Nightmare but she is Hope. She is Beauty. She is Power.

She, in her huge Gypsy form, is difficult to see. Hope shows up the least and they can see no Beauty in this world. This world is destroyed. Corrupted. Shattered. Gods know what plans the world has for lowly humans.

Nightmare lives on. She, in her huge Gypsy form, fights Shadow and Conscience and will never let Hope and Beauty die. Her Power is immense, never weakening, but one day she will die.

She feeds on Hope and Beauty, and they are on their way to extinction. The good powers of this world, the bright sunlight, the clear winds, are being swallowed by the seething black haze that eats all.

Nightmare has left me and begins to die.

Dove

A little Dove chocolate told me to enjoy the small things in life.

This is a stage in my life that I need the small things.

With the stress of school, sports, and a social life, it’s the little moments that make it all worth it.

They happen here and there, but today for instance it rained.

The rain brings me great happiness. It cleanses the ground, but it makes everything clean and new.

Flowers bloom, and otherwise dusty hills become rolling green hills.

This is the entrance into spring that we have been waiting for.

The past few weeks have brought a lot of stress to an already stressful life.

One would think that having a single mother with multiple incurable diseases would cause stress.

Having her go to the hospital unexpectedly would seem to cause stress, but that is my life.

This is who I am, this is how my family works.

I can accept that my mother is sick and I can find happiness in the fact that she always comes home, although sometimes not without a fight, she has managed to make it back every time.

On this Easter Sunday I ask you to consider this.

I don’t care what your beliefs are, or if you don’t believe, but there is something on this Earth and beyond that has kept my mother here.

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The Crashing Eagle

gg5

A nation’s spending out of control.

A flying spark of hope flies across the sky.

A weathered bird has served its time well.

Its has flown high in the sky.

It has been prey.

It has been a predator.

It survives its ordeals only to come crashing down.

It is shot down by bureaucracy

The replacement threatens to out shine it.

A mighty eagle, the replacement is swift and strong.

The hopes of the nation come crashing down.

The mighty eagle crashes, its strengths is its undoing.

Exorbitant costs and empty coffers force the nation to abandon the eagle.

In it’s destruction the eagle robs the nation of its hope.

Never again will hope rise so highly in the nation.

F.I.N.A.L.S.

It is that dreaded time of year again, finals. 

After a full semester of work all I have to show for it is a bunch of pieces of crumpled papers in the bottom of my backpack and the ink my teacher puts on my test telling me how I did in their class this semester.

This time is stressful for all, and I try to not get caught up in the stress, but there is just no way around it.

Honestly, most finals for me aren’t too hard.

Math? Easy.

Science? Easy.

English? Easy

History? No sir.

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Don’t Worry About It

This past Saturday our football team had our last league game against the Laguna Blanca Owls.

Contrary to how I was feeling going into this game, and what I wished had happened, we did not end up winning, but lost our fifth consecutive game.

Sadly this season came to an end sooner than I had hoped, and not the way I wanted to leave the field.

We finished with a final score of 44-26.

That is much closer than some games we have played, and once again we played a great second half, but it takes more than that to win football games.

We did not start off with a defense that was aggressive enough to set the tone early.

While we did stuff many plays, the Owls were able to put points up with more ease than they should have had.

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The Invention of Caring.

love

As I stood watching my sister and mother embrace for the last time, I couldn’t help but feel touched. Tears streamed down their faces and they hung to each other in an attempt to cherish their last moments together.

Just like that first day when she kicked and screamed to go to play group, her first day at school, and her first fulltime job, my sister was again crying unwilling to leave our mothers side. Except this time the 11 hour flight left them separated by distance.

A phone call can mean so much but when you know someone’s so far away your heart yearns for that person to be next to you, filling the gaping hole that waits in their place.

A mother is not just someone you went to school with, or someone who you met on train, or even just a relative. She is someone who you grew inside and was nurtured by. She is the person that taught you to walk, took you to school, made you pack lunches. She is the person that loves you unconditionally no matter what.

Those days that I hear my sister cry because she misses our mums cooking or even just misses her company is heart wrenching. Tears down a phone line hurt and cut both my mum and sister to pieces, but tears face-to-face damage them so much deeper.

Watching my sister and mother embrace for the last time, I couldn’t help but to care.

2-2

The lakers did it again. They managed to lose to the New Orleans Hornets to tie the first round of the playoffs at 2-2.

Lakers2_510

The Lakers all ways manage to have it easy, and just cruise into the finals where they either win or lose. But the Lakers got EXACTLY what they did not want today, a real struggle in the playoffs. The loss secured at least one more trip back to the Hornets home stadium.

The Lakers looked sloppy today. They were un-energetic  and looked tired throughout the entire game. But they really fell apart in the 4th quarter. They let Chris Paul get a triple double with 27 points, 15 assists and 13 rebounds, while Gasol and Artest had 16.

Kobe had a terrible game, scoring 17 points overall. He even went scoreless in the first half, giving Chris Paul the opportunity he needed to put his team ahead. Kobe even missed a technical foul shot making him 0 for 7 in the first half.

This loss gives the Hornets a fighting chance to move on. The Lakers need to win at home, then end the series in 6 games at New Orleans. It would be confidence crushing for the team if they had to go to 7 games in the first round.

I still believe that the Lakers will still move on to the next round. The only matter that is in question is how tired and confident they will be moving into the next round. If I had one thing to say to the Lakers it would be that it will only get harder.