homeless

i don’t get how everything i’ve built could be so fragile. just when you think your foundation’s set, an earthquake comes and shakes it. next a huge rainstorm. then a forest fire. or a tsunami. each disaster shakes the very thing you thought was solid. now my house is starting to crumble on contact. the walls a little less sturdy. the ground with a few cracks. but that’s why they call them natural disasters, because they have to happen. except they shouldn’t have to. you were a fire that didn’t naturally arise. you sparked something in me. i thought you were the soft ember in the fire-place, warming the whole house in a crisp, cold night. but you crept and crawled out, until the polished hardwood floor became singed beyond belief.

Photo Credit: chriscrespo.com

you burned everything. engulfed the second floor, filled with broken-down cribs and pictures lining the walls.  you exploded in the kitchen, where everything was black and it wasn’t bad cooking. you burnt the living room, even all the memories made there, the many late nights, turned to dust. you left the backyard, full of brand-new spring blooms, dead. except it wasn’t all you. my house wasn’t fireproof. my foundation wasn’t concrete, it was loose pebbles. my walls were made of rotting wood. you barely made a scratch on my already damaged surface. so, while you sleep in your warm sheets in your warm bed, I’ll be shivering under my army blanket in a foreign homeless shelter, because you destroyed my only home.

The Bear

mossy trees

We were hiking across the Yukon on what was only a five-day trip. When I got lost and separated from the group, it was already day three. While searching for them I heard things splashing in the river – it was a large group of salmon flopping up the stream. But that wasn’t all. There was a bear standing there with his mouth opened, catching the fish in his mouth.

I was spotted. The bear set down the freshly caught fish on a rock and ran off. By that time the sun was setting and I had to set up camp. After making the fire, I remembered that my food was in Joe’s pack. So I decided to go and grab the fish the bear left behind. It was enough to hold me over for a while.

In the morning I packed up and continued hiking to the final destination, hoping I would run into my friends. I hiked five miles noticed something in the fields. It was the bear again. I knew it was him from his whitish fur. You could tell he was old and his face seemed strangely welcoming. I sat from a distance watching it until it got distracted by a bird and he chased it around, running off into the woods. As I was hiking, I decided to make a detour and go see what he was doing in the fields before he left. I discovered he was eating at a bush of berries. I didn’t know what the berries were, but I knew the bear lived after eating them and I would die if I didn’t. I didn’t eat them right away. Instead, I collected them in case I had no alternative food options.

Shortly up the trail I ended up in a third encounter with the bear. But this time the bear was hurt. He had a long deep gash along his neck – he was dying. I sat down next to him and began petting him and gave him water. I ended up giving him all of my water. Most of it I used to clean the dirt from his wound. I pulled out my first aid kit and used everything I could. I had to bandage him with ankle wraps because he was too big for anything else. Rather than finding my friends, I felt like it was my obligation to help this bear.

The only thing I did to take care of myself was make a fire. I gave every scrap of food and drop of water I could to this bear. From my little knowledge of bears I was able to determine that he was a grizzly bear. I never realized how peaceful and beautiful they really are. They have soft fur, pointy ears, wet black nose and solid brown eyes. They’re magnificent creatures, far from a beast. But that didn’t change the fact I could become its meal any second.

The next morning, day five, was the worst of them all. The bear was on his final hours and was mad. He wouldn’t let me help him at all. He just lay there ghoulishly and moaned. I had to just watch and hope that somehow he would push on. As it became afternoon he stopped moaning, just breathed heavily. I walked over and hugged him. I didn’t let go for hours. Not until I heard dogs barking and lights coming from several places. It was a rescue group. Before I could say anything I was in a helicopter.

I woke up in a hospital and there was a Alaska state trooper sitting next to me. The first thing he said was “You know, you saved that bear.” I smiled. That was the first thing that I wanted to know. They said they were bringing him to a zoo in San Diego. That was his new home, because he was too old to be in the wild. My face lit up. I looked back at him and told him “I live in San Diego!”.

The Last Petal

She loves me.

She loves me not.

Pulling the petals of a flower,

looking for an answer.

As if killing something beautiful is going to find the solution to my problem.

She loves.

She loves me not.

I keep pulling petals out one after one, but still nothing.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

The flowers life remains in my hands,

shards of its life scattered around me

Only to be blown away by the next breeze.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

Only 4 petals left,

But still the pile grows around me,

With the next wind

My answer will come.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

Only the last two, but I see how the story is going to end.

Do I pull them and reassure what I already believe, or do I leave the last two?

Hoping that maybe it will generate new petals to change my outcome.

I drop the flower and walk away.

Still wondering about her through the day.

I return the next morning at dawn,

Only to find my flower gone.

I spend the day wandering the streets.

Alone and confused,

I still look for the answer.

In a nearby meadow I see a field of flowers.

I rush over and I am engulfed, but no amount of picking is going to change the out come.

She loves me.

She loves me____

Adrift


I am adrift at sea, each wave weakens my already weak raft. Every gust of wind feels like it may be my last. I am running out of water. Land is still not in sight.

I am out of water. I may have one more day left. I am writing this note on the last piece of paper I have. hopefully someone finds it.

Help.

10 years later this note arrives on a shore in California. A man picks it up and reads it. He recognizes his own hand writing immediately. He rips up the note and throws the bottle out to sea to get swallowed by the waves.

Able

Knife in the back

Can’t breath.

Fall to my knees crying out

Can’t move.

Cold,

Lifeless,

Motionless.

Motionless, like the sea on a calm day

or the calm before a storm.

Something is coming, but not even I knows when.

Only when the stars align will time begin to move.

The knife will be removed,

and I will be able to breath,

I will be able to move,

I will be able.

Zipped Up

Trapped.

Caged like an animal.

Can’t speak out for fear of punishment.

Must speak out for fear of death.

How do you live when you can do nothing?

Either way you are unhappy.

Words stuck behind the glass

Like finger paintings on a frosted window.

Flipped and confusing on the other side,

But leaves a mark in the morning light.

Nine One One

It was just a regular sunday night until it wasn’t.

I was sitting at home with a friend enjoying some pizza after playing Madden 13 when all of a sudden my sister bursts in the door yelling.

I was sitting at the table and she rushed in telling me that there is a huge fire right behind a property that we rent out.

She said that she drove by and called 9-1-1 and told them that there was a very large fire and told them the location.

After finishing dinner my Dad and I decided we should probably make sure our property was not on fire and that our storage was ok.

After we had determined our stuff was in no imminent danger and had a talk with our renters we wanted to check it out.

We walked down a long stretch of driveway to see a house engulfed in flames, making loud popping noises like something was exploding, and a firetruck parked right in the middle of two trees.

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Defeated Again

Once I again I walked off of another teams field not feeling the great feeling of victory

This past weekend the team traveled up to Los Olivos, CA to compete against the Dunn Earwigs on their parents weekend, just as we did last year.

We went into the game with high hopes, and a new play series that we had worked on all week.

We arrived at the school, and right of the bat the day was not going as planned.

Somehow the ball bag was left back at school, some 2 hours away.

We did not have our own game balls, or our own kicking tee.

We put that aside and made do, and went into our pre game routine of bananas, pretzels, and stretching.

Our Defensive Coordinator John Wickenhaeuser had dome some research that bananas and pretzels before a game does the body good if that comment seemed a little odd.

During our warm ups that same nauseous feeling returned, and I was once again off my game.

I even tried to take medicine to make this feeling go away, but it is clear that it is nerves, and I just need to be hit a few times so that I don’t think about it as much.

When the game started Dunn quickly scored their first touchdown, and we weren’t too worried, that happens in the game of football.

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Ask Me To Marry You Like You Mean It!

Just recently, I read an article on the 5 worst ways to “pop the question” on Yahoo.

As I was reading, I was shocked when I heard that someone had the audacity to ask the question on Twitter. The conversation went something like this:

“To @emilychang – After fifteen years of blissful happiness I would like to ask for your hand in marriage?”

“@maxkiesler – yes, i do.”

When I read this, I couldn’t help but think, “What happened to privacy and romance?” I would hate to be proposed to in any way other than face to face, with my partner on one knee. But of course, that’s just me.

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