Tag: poetry

My Thoughts on Music…

mariethearistocatLeave a comment

Music is the most powerful of weapons. It is a loaded gun to your mind and you pull the trigger when you press play. The beat is the rounds going BANG, BANG, BANG. The feeling you get, the euphoric experience you get whilst listening to that song is the bullet piercing the depths of your mind, the target.

Music is a drug. Once you listen to a really good song, you’re hooked. You need it. You can’t focus without it. When a song is stuck in your head, it’s like the peak of addiction. It is the moment you can’t go back because the song has ensnared you so deeply in its rhythm, that your mind can’t think of anything else. The only remedy is listening to it again and again and again.

Music is like a flower. Some songs are like deep maroon roses. They’re beautiful to look at, but they’re infested with thorns. The words will sink into your brain like a prick to the finger. Some songs are like smiley daisies. The message sent is that of the bright yellow center and the delicate, white petals.

The thing that is so desirable about music is the other-worldly experience you get. Even if it’s for a split second, one envisions another world while listening to a song or lyric. Each song delivers a message. Peppy songs can lift your attitude. Love songs give you a warm feeling. Sad songs can give you reassurance in a blue stage of your life. The list goes on.

Music is universal. Try listening to a song in a language you don’t know at all. Even if you don’t know what it’s about, you know how the artist feels in a particular moment. You get the feeling. Music is one rare thing that almost everyone can enjoy. Whether it be a beat, a lyric, a voice, or the inter-workings of a piece of music.

Music is like a good book (or a good movie).

Image result for music
Photo Credit: http://www.jjay.cuny.edu/department-art-music

A song can go down in history for you. Sometimes I’ll hear a song that is practically a decade old and feel the same I did when I first heard it. A song can’t change, just like a book or movie. There’s something so comforting about the stability of music. If you are totally in love with one song, nothing can stop you from reliving the same experience again and again.

The thing is, I’m not the average “music person.” The person whose earbud is almost surgically attached to their ear. I don’t even own a speaker. I don’t even really listen to music all that much. But when I find a good song, album, or artist, it almost overtakes me. So try listening to a new song, nothing like you’ve ever heard before. You may just surprise yourself.

Read this article to find out how exactly our bodies react to music:  http://www.livescience.com/1139-music-chills.html

The Ups and Downs

mariethearistocatLeave a comment

Life is like a roller coaster. Filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and abrupt starts and stops.

Image result for rollercoaster pov
Photo Credit: http://www.getlinkyoutube.com

Your future is like the tedious clicking of your cart on the incline. Each time you move a little forward, the safety kicks in to make sure you don’t fly back.  Those have been put there so you can only move forward. Time is what moves you along, what makes you get on with your life.

Once you reach the top, another goal is met. You are on the brink of a new adventure, a new path in life. You are relieved you made it, but are anticipating something new; whether it be a drop, jolt, or loop. Anxiety fills you as you are thrown into the unexpected.

Well, it turns out it was a drop. Not just any drop, either. Full 80 degree, head-first sensation that is heading straight for the ground. Hardships don’t slowly make their way into your life. They burst in and blind you. They take you by surprise and totally change your perspective.

Your cart continues the course of the ride and then it’s over. You can get off the ride and move on to the next thing. Some people say rollercoasters are just one thing, so they only stimulate one thing, one life. However, rollercoasters are almost the opposite. They’re one moment. When you go to a theme park, you don’t just go on one ride. You wait in line after line, just waiting for something new.

The one thing all the quotes relating life to rollercoasters forget to mention is others. You aren’t in that cart alone. You are sitting next to your best friend, your sibling, or a stranger, but you are never completely alone. These people are experiencing the same moment; they drop when you do and they soar just the same.

Life is a series of moments, a series of rides. Life isn’t just one big moment, but a mixture of many. However, the people around you and the way you deal with the big drops and loops can surely affect your ride.

Anxiety

mariethearistocat

The feeling hits you like a bus.

The feeling is like an elephant on your chest.

The feeling inside of your stomach.

The feeling is like the shivers.

The feeling is a civil war.

The feeling is like a virus creeping around your body.

The feeling leaves your brain like mush.

The feeling is like a constant struggle for the upper hand.

The feeling isn’t normal.

The feeling is like a tornado, bringing havoc to your body.

The feeling, for me, never goes away.

The feeling of anxiety, of constant nervousness.

The extra fear is a constant.

Every day is a perilous journey.

From sunrise to sunset.

Constant worrying.

Worrying about school, grades, boyfriends, friends, family, everything.

There is no escape of this feeling.

Constant fear of the future and present and past.

Not just big things, but every, minute spec of life like a challenge to the brain.

It’s not temporary.

It’s not an emotion.

It’s not “just anxiety.”

It’s not okay.

It’s not fine.

It’s there.

It’s my constant state of being.

It’s how I live.

It’s how I was born.

It’s my mental illness.

It’s my little pain in my head, chest, or stomach.

It’s my forever.

It’s not part of me, it is me.

Dirty Feet Blues

kennyrooLeave a comment

I want to live a life with permanently dirty feet.

The assertion that one is obligated to be confined in shoes, at a job, where you sit in the same spot, and do the same thing everyday.

When I was younger I would play for hours on end without shoes on my feet.

I’d like to think of my dirty feet as an accomplishment. You’ve connected with the earth for so long that is has had time to change you.

The wicked cycle of an endless suburbia is keeping our feet much too clean. The same thing every single day.

Switch it up, take those damn shoes off — forget about your work emails for half an hour and take a minute to be alone.

Uninterrupted, just you and the earth. Breath it in. Feel the dewy grass tickle to spaces between your toes. Feel the rough asphalt grind away at your skin.

I would like to live a life with permanent dirty feet. In this technological age, people are seeming to forget that they’re washable.

You can get as dirty as you want because you can be cleaned. You can wash away the silt from your socks but you can’t replace the feeling of truly connecting with the earth.

Stop checking Twitter and take a look around. See the life that you’re missing out on being glued to the screen of your phone and go get dirty.

You’re too busy Instagraming at the tops of mountains for the likes rather than the memories and sense of accomplishment.

 

Whether you hold this true to yourself or not — this time we’re living in feels so artificial.

So, disconnect from the screen and go connect with what’s green.

Control

raining17Leave a comment

Lack of control, lack of consciousness. From a passing feeling of anxiety grows a larger, stronger sensation.

A pit embedded so deep in my stomach, sprouting vines that spread to the very tips of my fingers. The pit grows larger and larger, heavy as rock, hard as steel.

I pass it off as nothing. All in my head, nothing of significance. But this rock, this sensation, leaves me hyper aware.

Each movement shoots throughout my body, ricocheting off of every surface. Any tingle, shiver or prickle is felt in every nerve, magnified by my growing alertness.

And this greater attention leads to a realization, an understanding of this feeling. My depths are screaming to be let out, stopping at nothing to be heard.

I fall, deeper and deeper into my head; I am below the surface, unaware of the world around me. This pit, this feeling, is overtaking me.

The vines wrap around my brain, my eyes, anything they can grasp, bringing darkness to my world and shutting out any understanding.

My hands are immobile, unresponsive to my commands. These vines suffocate me, wrapping around my neck and my brain, squeezing tighter and tighter.

I have lost all ability to speak – to guide and to oversee. Dark clouds loom over my last drop of consciousness, obscuring my last speck of assurance.

I have lost control.

Photo Credit: http://www.markraymondmason.com

A Big, Calming Hug

mariethearistocat

It happens in an instant,

the moment they become distant.

Each memory merely a snapshot,

frozen in your mind.

Smile for the picture,

a big, calming hug goodbye,

no more little tears left to cry.

Now there are only real tears,

the ones that come from your biggest fears,

the ones that leave you empty,

a body heaving for air,

for love,

for a nice, calming hug.

No.

There are no more reassuring words,

from the one that makes your whole world.

No more smiles as you bite into your freshly baked cookie,

no more cheers on the soccer field,

no more hugs when you’re sad,

no more hugs when you’re glad,

no more,

no more.

Is it nice to miss class when you want?

Is it nice to get “mental health days?”

WHAT THE HECK.

It is NOT nice to have to miss class to see a therapist,

to talk about “feelings” and ways to help your crippling anxiety,

when missing class causes even more stress,

then being there.

It is NOT nice to stay in bed gasping for air,

tears everywhere,

in your hair,

eyes,

pillow,

sheets.

It is NOT nice to lose a parent to cancer.

It is NOT nice to hear your condolences.

Don’t think of yourself as a hero for saying “sorry.”

Don’t fling around a word you don’t mean.

Don’t tell me you know how I’m feeling.

JUST LEAVE.

I don’t want a hug,

not from you.

I only want a big, calming hug.

If only I had the person here to give it to me.null

Down the path

frog3Leave a comment

g5t5

Walking along on a cloudy day,

What I did I could not say.

Down the grey rain slicked road.

What’s the point? I do not know.

After you pass the large white ring.

You wonder what it all means.

Next the court and a little hill.

The walk gives your brain time to mill.

Too much time, at least it seems.

My mind thinks of all the stupid things.

Blank Page

callmemaybe32Leave a comment

It’s like staring at a blank page

I can’t read it.

There is no information, but I know something is on it.

Invisible ink?

Maybe.

Maybe the words were washed away with the last storm.

I do not know what it is,

Only that it is.

Prove to me what is on the page.

Show me the words.

Bring sight to my blind eyes.

Bring peace to my unsettled mind.

Word by word reveal what it is,

Word by word show me what this is.

Mature.

eternity1030Leave a comment

On a twig hang a few grapes
One red and five immature globes
The green ones push the red headed to the edge
Just because they did not taste the sweetness of the flushed fruit

So please do not cry
My honeyed one
They do not admire you beauty
Because they are unripe

Without You

callmemaybe32Leave a comment

Let it all fall down.

Let your hair fall down with the rain.

The water drops down your face, and make up or none your beauty remains the same.

Dancing in the grass while the heavens open upon us.

Like the scene from a movie.

Embracing each other while the thunder booms in the background, and distant lightning draws closer.

The sky flashes with purple and white light, but in that moment there was no other care in the world.

The ground could be falling around us, but all that matters is we were the last ones standing.

You and I together while the world crumbles away.

The rain douses the fire that rumbles below our feet,

Stuck, but not alone.

Never alone when I am with you.

The alarm goes off

Blindly reaching for the snooze button, just longing for another 10 minutes.

Another night spent with you.

Without you.

When the time comes that the world does actually fall away,

It will be you and I on that last piece of earth left.

Holding each other as it all crumbles.