When I look in the mirror, that is all I see.  Fat everywhere.  I always look down and wonder how I got like this.

Over the summer, I worked out every day and ate well.  People could actually see the difference and I was happy.

Now, I sit in my dorm doing nothing but gaining weight.  I can’t even look at my prom photos because of all the fat I see on myself.

My friends and boyfriend don’t understand what I mean when I say I am fat.  Somehow they don’t see it, but that’s all I see.

I mean, maybe I am the problem.  Maybe my brain is messed up and that’s why I see myself the way I do.  I have never been able to see myself as anything but fat since fifth grade.  But, now, when I look back I know that was never true, so maybe I can only ever see myself as fat no matter what I do.

I wish I could look at myself and just see how I truly am to everyone else around me.

Maybe this summer once I go back to the gym everything will be different, but I don’t know if I will ever really see what I look like when I look in the mirror.